


You Give My Life a Hope That's Real

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-19
Updated: 2011-10-19
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:35:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She needed this solace; needed Sam to be a port in the storm.  That probably wasn’t fair but it was true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Give My Life a Hope That's Real

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR 100 and Retaliation. What could’ve happened if Sam didn’t die in 100. You guys know me, I’m not afraid to put an alternate spin on anything. Repeat after me, flat lining doesn’t equal dying. These two are just so meant to be in my head now it was the only place to go. The title is from the song Another World, by Gary Morris and Crystal Gayle. Yes, I went there.

She walked down the hall of GW Medical Center trying to breathe slowly. She didn’t know why she was doing this but something about it felt so right. She was nervous, couldn’t remember the last time she’d experienced such nerves, but it was still the right thing to do.

“Excuse me?” she stopped at the nurse’s station.

“Can I help you?” a young black woman greeted her with a pleasant smile.

“I need to know what room Sam Kassmeyer is in please.”

The nurse grabbed a maroon notebook, flipped through it, and looked at Jessie again.

“Are you family?” she asked.

“No, I…my name is Jessica Brooks. Marshal Kassmeyer is here because he was protecting my sister and my nephew. I’d really like to see him if I could.”

Everyone knew the story of the escaped killer George Foyet and his rampage against FBI Agent Aaron Hotchner’s family. It was national news. Nurses and doctors had been shooing away reporters, nicely and not so nicely, for the past nine days. They'd been lurking ever since Marshal Kassmeyer was brought into the hospital. He flat lined twice on the way and once on the operating table. Now he was in a medically induced coma.

“I’ll make a phone call, Miss Brooks. Just wait right here please.”

Jessie nodded, watching the nurse walk away. She crossed her arms over her chest…this wasn’t helping her nerves at all. The worst of it was that she had no idea why she was so nervous. She knew Sam was in a coma; he couldn’t speak or judge. Jessie and Jack sent him a homemade get well card and flowers last week. She wanted to do anything to distract the little boy, even for an hour, from the death of his mother. The card was going to be it until her conversation with Hotch last night.

 _“How's Marshal Kassmeyer doing, Aaron?” She asked one night as she loaded his dishwasher._

 _“He's in a medically induced coma for the time being. Saying the doctors are optimistic would be misspeaking slightly. They're confident they can bring him out and there will be some kind of recovery. Still, the extent of his mental and physical injuries…it’s hard to say. Jack mentions him every night in his prayers.”_

 _“Does he have family?”_

 _“It’s not exactly a job conducive to sustaining a marriage and raising a family. He’s a single man. One of his teammates told me that his mother is still alive; living in Denver. She has MS so doesn’t get around too well. She’s taking this quite hard; he's her only son.”_

 _“He's all alone?” his response stopped Jessie in her tracks._

 _“Yeah.” Hotch nodded. “It’s sad, isn’t it? What he did makes him a hero.”_

 _“It’s ridiculous. You're right, he is a hero and he’s lying in a hospital bed by himself. That’s a disgrace.”_

 _“You're probably right.”_

 _“No, I'm definitely right. Do you remember when you were in the hospital after being stabbed? The place was filled with well-wishers…you were overwhelmed. Surely Marshal Kassmeyer deserves the same.”_

 _“I'm sure he has a lot of friends and people who care, Jessie.” Hotch reasoned. “U.S. Marshals can't drop everything they're doing to visit everyday. They sometimes travel all over the country hunting fugitives. GW is the best hospital in the area; they're taking good care of him.”_

 _“Have you been to see him since that first time?” Jessie asked._

 _“No, I…”_

 _“Don’t bother to explain; I understand how difficult it is. I still think it’s sad.”_

 _“It is.” Hotch conceded. “Sometimes you get more attention when you don’t make it.”_

 _Those words pierced Jessie’s heart. She lost her sister, would never see her again. She was 34 years old and suddenly an only child. She would give anything if Haley was recovering at GW Hospital. Sam risked his life for the job; protecting strangers. Now he was all alone. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she left him that way._

“Miss Brooks?”

The sound of the nurse’s voice brought Jessie out of her thoughts. That was probably for the better.

“I need to scan your driver’s license please. It'll only take a couple of seconds.”

She nodded, digging into her army green messenger bag for her wallet. She handed over her license without a second thought.

“Thanks. Just hang on.”

Jessie was starting to loosen up a little. She smiled when she reached into her jeans pocket and pulled out the Lego policeman. Jack asked her to bring it for Marshal Sam. He was excited when she told him that she was going to visit him. He wanted to come too but Jessie explained that Sam was taking a nap. She thought it might be a good idea to visit together when Sam woke up. Surely seeing Jack would make him feel better.

They'd just buried Haley a few days ago and Aaron was taking time off from the BAU. He was constantly debating whether he would return to the position at all but Jessie wasn’t worried. She knew her brother, and Aaron was her brother. The FBI was not his job…it was his calling.

He’d suffered enough and lost so much; he needed the BAU. He needed his team, which had become the family he never quite had. And while she was sure that he didn’t know she knew, it was clear that Hotch needed Emily Prentiss as well. Sam Kassmeyer needed someone too.

“Here’s your license.” The nurse handed it back. “This is your visitor’s tag. You’ve been cleared and added to the log of Marshal Kassmeyer’s visitors. You have to wear the tag at all times, even if you're just sitting in his room. Someone might give you trouble if you don’t.”

“I understand.” Jessie nodded as she clipped it to her spring green tee shirt.

“Now you're all set. He’s in Room 512. Visiting hours end at 8:30.”

“Thank you.”

She smiled and walked to the end of the hall. The sliding glass door was open; taking a deep breath Jessie walked in. Sam was in the room alone though that was no surprise. There was a monitor for his brain activity, a constantly beeping heart monitor, and a few IV drips. Despite that, the room seemed eerily quiet. Taking the policeman out of her pocket, Jessie sat him down on the bedside table. She pulled the chair over from the window, put her bag on the floor beside her, and sat down.

He looked peaceful in his sleep but Jessie knew his injuries had been severe. There were bruises and contusions all over his face. His right hand, where doctors reattached his middle and ring finger, was heavily bandaged. His foot, shot through with a bullet was slightly elevated and bandaged as well.

She knew he’d been shot in both knees, which was barbaric, but she couldn’t see the bandages there because it was covered with a blanket. Jessie cleared her throat, leaning forward and placing her hand on his arm. His skin was warm; that brought her a little comfort. It reminded her that he was alive, he was in there, and she’d come to talk to him.

“Hi Marshal Kassmeyer, I mean Sam. My name is Jessie. My name is Jessica Brooks, and we don’t know each other. This is a pretty lousy introduction, I’ll have you know, but I'm willing to forgive you for now.” She smiled.

“I came to see you because I wanted to thank you, personally, for everything you did for my family. I don’t know if anyone told you but Haley didn’t make it. I need you to know that that’s not your fault. It is solely the fault of the monster who did it; no one else.

“I try not to be vengeful but I'm sure he’s burning in hell for everything he did to my family, you, and all the other people he hurt. And that’s going to be the last time I mention him. OK? I can't live with hate in my heart. I can't do that to Jack. And Haley wouldn't…”

Jessie paused for a moment, closing her eyes. She tried to compose herself. Burying her sister was the most difficult thing she ever had to do but she stayed strong for her family.  
Her mother needed her, her nephew definitely needed her.

Aaron needed her as well. She rubbed Sam’s arm and let the tears fall. Crying was healthy, that’s what her doctor said. He suggested that Jessie might want to talk to someone, a grief counselor, but so far she’d declined the offer.

“My sister died protecting her son. I just wanted to let you know that my family is getting along as best we can. Aaron is taking a short bereavement leave from the BAU and we’re all doing our best to be there for Jack. We made you a really nice get well card last week. You can read it as soon as you wake up. Jack told me about how awesome you are.

“I really appreciate you being there for him as a person and not just a Marshal. He said that you told him when he went back home you were going to give him a Deputy Marshal pin. Watch out when you wake up, Sam,” Jessie smiled. “Jack never forgets what people tell him. He wanted to come with me tonight but neither Aaron nor I thought it was a good idea. He asked what happened to you…he asked if you went to heaven like mommy.

“I told him that you didn’t feel so well and the doctors put you to sleep for a little while. Then when you're all better you'll wake up again. I hope you wake up soon. I know this coma is for your own good but it must be scary to be in there all alone. I've been reading up on comas, most likely to distract myself from everything else that’s going on. There is some evidence you can hear me, feel me, and even smell me.

“I wonder if you like to read. I know Aaron used to love it and then the job became his whole world and you two aren’t that different. When you wake up you can tell me the last book you read but know I'm gonna make fun of you if it was published before the new millennium. I want you to get well soon, Sam. I'm so sorry this happened to you…no one deserves to be brutalized.

“You probably woke up every morning knowing it was a possibility. Still, I can't imagine…I'm sorry, it’s probably better if I don’t. We should probably talk about something happier anyway. If some of those studies are right and you can hear me, I'm not going to make you relive that nightmare on constant loop. I think I’ll just keep coming to visit you if that’s alright. I don’t want you being alone here and this could be good for both of us.

“I wish I knew what kind of books you liked but I’ll just grab some of the unread books on my nightstand and we can read them together. It’ll be like killing two birds with one stone. This is the least I can do after what you’ve done for us, Sam. I hope you're not worried that you might be taking me away from a whole bunch of important things. This is important to me; it could be important to your recovery.

“I'm gonna get going soon but I’ll be back in a few days. I promise the next time I won't be so boring.” Jessie smiled. “Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, Jack wanted me to leave his Lego policeman here to look after you. He says it’s for good luck.”

Jessie stood up from the chair. She rubbed Sam’s arm again and couldn’t believe she got no response. She knew what a coma was but wondered what it truly meant. Was Sam there with her? If the answer was no, then where was he? Did he want to return?

He’d seen and been subjected to such trauma…he technically died three times. He probably felt, much like Hotch, that Haley’s death had been his fault. Jessie had to make sure she did everything she could to reassure him. She would do that while he was asleep and if he ever woke up.

“I’ll be back in a couple of days, OK? Goodnight.” With another reassuring squeeze, Jessie left the room. She stopped to talk to the same nurse who helped her.

“Hi. I know I'm not family so you're probably not supposed to tell me anything. I respect that, I truly do but…is he going to be alright?”

“The coma is for his benefit, Miss Brooks.”

“Please call me Jessie.”

“OK, Jessie. Marshal Kassmeyer lost a lot of blood and was in shock when he arrived here. None of his injuries were particularly life-threatening in and of themselves but the trauma could’ve killed him. He’ll slowly be weaned off the sedatives over time and only then can the doctor truly give a prognosis. But he’s alive and he’s a fighter. Having someone here to spend time with him can only be a good thing.”

“How long does a medically induced coma last?” Jessie asked.

“Doctors don’t like keeping a patient under for more than a month. The barbiturates used could have a negative effect on the brain. The patient has to be constantly monitored.”

“OK. I won't ask anymore questions right now. I don’t want to put you in an awkward position. I just had to know something.”

“I appreciate it. Are you going to come back?”

“I’ll be here on Thursday. I'm going to bring some books to read to him. I just…I just want him to hear a friendly voice. I know how busy you guys are and you can't do that too. So I’ll pick up the slack.”

“Well, I’ll see you Thursday.” The nurse smiled. “I'm Lisa, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you.” Jessie shook her hand.

As she headed out of the hospital and back to her car, she felt better already. There was still a hole in her heart and a knot in her stomach but that couldn’t be expected to go away overnight. That couldn’t be expected to go away at all. Still, doing this was better than staring at the four walls of her condo. This would be a good thing for all of them, Jessie was sure.

***

 _Paul stood by the window, sipping his whiskey and looking at the rainfall. She had to come back…so much more rode on it than his fragile ego._

Jessie rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue. “Are you serious? Who wrote this drivel?” She stuck her finger in the page and looked at the cover of the book. “OK, Kathleen Foster, I am really mad at you. Sam is mad at you too. I'm reading to him to keep him company, not to drive him out of his mind. And he can't even object to my selection.” She looked at him and smiled. “I'm sorry Sam; really, I'm offering my sincerest apologies.

“You know who this guy Paul reminds me of? Tumultuous Ted.” Jessie laughed, scooting closer and putting her hand on his arm. Instinctually, she wanted to hold his hand but it was so heavily bandaged. “This is a funny story, I promise. So about six years ago, my friends and I were having some drinks in this DC bar called Absinthe. Five of us were sitting at a table having drinks and chatting. There was a really attractive guy at the bar. He kept looking at us and we kept looking at him.

“My best friend Nina and I both thought he was cute so we decided to Rochambeau for his attention.” She laughed again. “I'm not kidding; it was totally rock paper scissors. Let me just say that I am soooo glad she won. This guy was a diva of the highest order. He was up and down like a roller coaster…Nina was beside herself.

“He was so handsome though, and he had a great job with the Feds. He was witty, well-read, educated, and nuts. On paper, minus the nuts, he was exactly who you'd want to take home to mom. In real life, he was a like a bad episode of Seinfeld. He used to drive Nina bananas.

“On their second anniversary, I know you're thinking how could she be with this guy for two years. We were wondering the same thing. Anyway, on their second anniversary, Ted proposed. She had to turn him down and break up with him at the same time. It was all for the best though; Ted landed on his feet. And Nina married a terrific guy, Sam.

“His name is Eli and though he and Nina seem to have nothing in common, they are so happy. She’s a serious-minded second generation Korean-American and he’s a slightly overweight web geek with hair that’s a little too long. But somehow they're perfect for each other. He understands that Nina is very focused on what we do. She and I run a women’s lifestyle website called Live Cubed. It’s short for Live, Live, Live…our homage to Auntie Mame.

“We have an online magazine with the same name and an entire website devoted to the multiple layers of womanhood. Nina and I met at Vassar, where I got my journalism degree. She studied management and web design. This is our third year so the business plan actually has us turning a profit this year. Between you and I,” She leaned to whisper in his ear. “That’s really scary and exciting. I'm doing something I truly love and I'm going to, hopefully, make some money doing it.

“I always knew I wasn’t built for the nine to five life. I want to be free with my time and my thoughts. You know what I mean? I just didn’t feel like resting on my trust fund. It’s not like I have Paris Hilton money but I do alright. It gives me a freedom I wouldn’t have otherwise and I appreciate that.

“Still, I think if I didn’t have anything but a dollar and a dream, I would’ve gone for it anyway. Its not called Live, Live, Live for nothing.” Jessie smiled. “Anyway, I said all that to tell you the story of Tumultuous Ted. Next time I promise not to bring such a badly written book. I don’t often buy contemporary fiction but it passed my book back test. That’s when I read the back…if it intrigues me then I buy it. Its clearly not rocket science.

“That must be how hacks make so much money. Maybe I'm not the only one who practices the book back test. Hey, maybe I’ll bring us a romance novel.” She laughed, rubbing his arm. “It'll be one of those bodice-ripping, chest heaving deals. Ooh, that might be kinda fun. How do you feel about that, Sam?” Jessie cleared her throat.

“…and then Antonio held Hortense down. He would have her no matter what, he’d already decided. She was breathing hard, hoping he didn’t notice how much she wanted to surrender to his every whim. Oh God,” she laughed. “That might be a lot of fun. Bad writing but at least you get what you paid for, which is bad sex. I think…”

“Jessie?” Lisa spoke in a low tone when she walked into the room. “Its quarter till.”

“Quarter till what?”

“Nine.”

“Seriously?” Jessie looked at her watch. “I'm sorry, I must have lost track of time just babbling. I'm leaving right now.”

“I’ll give you a few minutes to say goodbye.” She smiled as she left the room.

“Thank you.” Jessie looked back at Sam. “The man is throwing me out. I’ll come back this weekend, probably Sunday because Mom and I might take Jack to the zoo on Saturday. I'm sorry for being so loopy tonight but I'm running on little sleep trying to make a deadline. I'm also writing a novella but we’ll chat about that some other time. I'm sure if you were awake you'd tell me to be careful driving home so I’ll tell you that I will be.” She stood, slung her messenger bag across her chest, and gave him a tentative kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you later, Sam.”

Walking out of the room, Jessie said goodnight to the nurses as she made her way to the elevator. It would probably be a good idea to stop for food before going home. She was sure that her refrigerator was sparse. Grocery shopping hadn't crossed her mind lately; she might want to do something about that. The only thing that seemed to make her feel halfway alive was spending time with Jack and talking to Sam.

This was her fourth visit and every time she came Jessie felt just a little bit better. She didn’t know how much she was helping him but Lisa and another nurse, Laurie, told her that every study indicated human contact and kindness could do nothing but help. Jessie still had a fear in the pit of her stomach that one day she would come to the hospital and he would be gone. Really gone. She’d already lost so much; she didn’t know if she could bear that.

Sam was a stranger to her, hadn't as much as introduced himself yet, but she’d grown fond and attached to him. Jessie was afraid to tell anyone that…they would just say it was trauma. She didn’t know what it was; only that she was going to keep visiting.

***

Hotch opened the door, smiling at his sister-in-law and his son.

“Hi Daddy!”

“Hey buddy!” he scooped Jack up in his arms and hugged him. “Did you have fun at the zoo?”

“Yeah. We saw polar bears and tigers and turtles too. We even saw baby monkeys. It was awesome.”

“I just bet it was.”

“Emily!” Jack’s eyes lit up when he saw her stand up from the couch.

“Hey Jack Jack! Hi Jessie, how are you?”

“Hey Emily.” She held up her hand to wave.

Hotch put Jack on the floor. He told him to go and chat with Agent Emily while he and Aunt Jessie had a grown up talk.

“OK Daddy. Bye Aunt Jessie.”

“Bye sweetheart.” She crouched down, giving him a hug and a kiss. “I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He ran into the living room and straight into Emily’s arms. They sat on the couch together to chat.

“Are you sure you can do this?” Hotch asked.

“Absolutely positively.” Jessie nodded. “We’re a family and we sacrifice for each other.”

“My going back to the same thing that started all of this doesn’t seem like much of a sacrifice.”

“What happened to Haley isn’t your fault, Aaron. You save people and help them everyday. The sacrifice is that you're away from your family. Don’t worry,” She put her hand on his arm. “Everything will be OK at home. We’re only a phone call away.”

“Yeah,” Hotch nodded. “I'm going back to Quantico on Tuesday morning so…”

“Mom will pick Jack up from school. Tuesday is usually my busy day but we’ve already worked out a pretty elaborate schedule. Everything will be fine, Aaron. I have to get going. I'm sorry I had to bring Jack a little earlier than usual but Mom was tired and I'm heading to the hospital.”

“It’s fine; I want to spend as much time with him as I can. He can help Emily and I make dinner. You're going to the hospital? Are you alright?”

“Mmm hmm,” Jessie nodded. “I'm going to visit Sam. Visiting hours end at 8:30 and I like to spend a couple of hours talking and reading.”

“How long have you been visiting him?” Hotch asked.

“A few weeks; we talked about it remember. It’s important to me to be there for him.”

Hotch didn’t know what to say. He could see the hope in Jessie’s green eyes and didn’t know how to handle it. The entire situation was touchy for everyone involved. And here was Jessie walking in on him and Emily Prentiss. Hotch felt enough guilt about enough things. It would be difficult to find the words to make it all OK.

“Alright, well I don’t want to keep you.”

“Have a good time tonight.” Jessie kissed his cheek. “See you later, Jack.”

“Bye bye, Aunt Jessie.” He waved.

Emily waved as well. “Drive safely, Jess.”

“Thanks Emily. Have a good night.”

She left, heading back to her car and over to the hospital.

000

Jessie was surprised to find a visitor in Sam’s room when she walked in. He stood from her chair; yes she had started to think of it as her chair, and smiled.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I'm Nick Guzman.”

“Jessie Brooks.” She put on a smile as she shook his hand. “I honestly didn’t expect anyone to be here but I'm glad you are.”

“I'm in Arlington for a training seminar this week.” He said. “I flew in a day early so I could come and see him. Sam and I came up together.”

“How do you mean?”

“We joined the Marshals around the same time. We crash coursed through a lot of it.”

“You must know him pretty well then.” Jessie put her bag down by the chair like she always did.

“As well as anyone I guess. Sam is…enigmatic. I don’t think he does it on purpose like some guys do. I just think he joined the Marshals in his 20s and became career Marshal. Those guys are some of the best but there's also not a lot you can say about them personally. Surely as his girlfriend you would know more than I. I haven’t seen him in a few years. I didn’t even know he was seeing anyone.”

“What? Oh no,” Jessie shook her head. “I'm not Sam’s girlfriend. I…” she paused for a moment to find the right words. “Sam was injured while protecting my sister and nephew. I just want him to know he’s appreciated so I come to visit him when I can.”

She didn’t feel comfortable telling a stranger this was her fifth time in two weeks. Jessie didn’t quite think there was anything wrong with that but thought other people might. So far Aaron, her mother, and her best friend Nina all expressed concern. They thought she was growing rather attached to a comatose man that she knew nothing about. Jessie politely told them to butt out. She could never be made to believe that a simple act of charity could be wrong.

“Well I have to say Jessie, and I hope this doesn’t sound too forward, but if I was in a coma waking up to your face would be fantastic.”

“I would love it if you could tell me a little about Sam.” She said, ignoring his forwardness. “Even if you don’t think its important, like his favorite books or things that make him smile. I've been flying by the seat of my pants here and a little bit would probably go a long way.”

“Well I'm actually running a little late to meet some friends in Alexandria.” Nick looked at his watch. “This week will be crazy but I'm free on Tuesday evening. Maybe we could have a drink and converse then.”

“You want to have a drink with me to talk about Sam?” Jessie couldn’t hide the skepticism in her voice. She glanced over at Sam, still asleep. If he could hear this she imagined he’d be smirking too.

“We Marshals do as much as we possibly can over food and drink. A steak and spirits relax me.” He replied.

“I'm sorry but Tuesday is actually my craziest night of the week. I guess I’ll just keep flying by the seat of my pants. I'm sure Sam doesn’t mind too much.”

She tried but failed to put on a smile. Some men had a lot of nerve. She hoped Sam wasn’t hearing this.

“I'm sure he doesn’t.” Nick smiled. “I have to get going but I can tell you that Sam loves Isaac Asimov, Law and Order, and his favorite movie is _The Big Lebowski_. He might try to deny that but don’t let him.” he turned to Sam, putting his hand on his shoulder. “I gotta go buddy, get well soon. Gina sends her love.”

He smiled at Jessie, said goodbye, and walked out. Jessie sat down in the chair and looked at Sam. His face was healing well; nearly all the cuts and contusions were gone. The bandage on his hand was now only wrapped around the two reattached fingers; the rest of his hand was free.

It was coming up on a month that Sam had been in a coma…they were probably going to bring him out soon. Jessie was worried, first that he might not wake up. Second, that he wouldn’t want to see her anymore. She was afraid that he wouldn’t want the constant reminder that he failed Haley.

“I'm thinking Gina isn’t his mother.” She said. “Now I feel dirty and I didn’t even do anything. I'm so glad that your friend came to visit you but that encounter bothered me. I know that’s how men and women who are strangers meet but to stand over a comatose friend and try to get a date is a little reprehensible. Don’t you think? I'm really sorry about that though I probably shouldn’t be the one apologizing.” Jessie shuddered. “It doesn't really matter…every guy is gonna try isn’t he?” She rubbed his arm. “Hey there, Sam.

“You're starting to look better and that really makes me happy. Pretty soon you'll be out of bed and giving the nurses a run for their money. I'm guessing a guy like you isn’t going to be overjoyed with confinement. Don’t be too grouchy; they’ll have you back on your feet in no time. I don’t know if you're going to return to the Marshals, your injuries may be too extensive for that, but you're going to be alright.

“I brought a new book tonight; it’s Robert B. Parker. I did laugh my way through the romance section of the bookstore though. I saw one I thought you might really like… _Sinful Fruit_.” Jessie laughed. “I'm serious about the title. I was giggling as if I was 12 again. I almost bought it but I couldn’t imagine if one of the nurses overheard me.

“I can just imagine what the boys passed around in class, but I remember the feeling when I finally got my hands on that tattered copy of Judy Blume’s _Wifey_ in the seventh grade. That was no _Superfudge_ , Sam, let me tell you. I had to read it under my covers with a book flashlight. I even had to pull out my dictionary a few times. Then in high school, _Fear of Flying_ went around.

“I’ll tell you a secret,” she leaned in close to whisper. “I was never impressed with Erica Jong. I know I was supposed to be but I never quite got the appeal. I'm not often a smile and nod kinda girl but I did it with that book. Anyway,” Jessie leaned down into her bag and pulled out Double Deuce. “I think we’ll both enjoy this. I'm a big Spenser fan. I better start reading before I talk away all my time again.”

***

“How's Sam?”

“Hmm?”

Jessie looked up from her laptop at her best friend. Nina Glassberg leaned on the doorframe of her office looking chic as always. She wore black slacks and a sky blue shell. Blue high heels completed the outfit. Her straight black hair was pulled up and held together by a pair of Chinese sticks.

They used to call her Supermodel in college. Jessie was much more laid back, a jeans and sweaters kind of girl. That didn’t stop the men from looking her way. Most of the time, Jessie wasn’t looking back.

“How's Sam?” She walked into the spacious office and sat down in one of the overstuffed visitor’s chairs. Nina was barely 5’5”; the thing almost swallowed her.

“He's improving. I'm not family so the doctors don’t even talk to me. The nurses give me little bits but I hate putting them in that kind of position so I try not to. They're going to bring him out of the coma soon, I think.”

“That’s good news.” Nina smiled.

“Yeah.” Jessie nodded.

“That’s not good news?”

“Of course its good news, Nina. He’s been under for four weeks…any longer could potentially be dangerous. Lisa told me that the first night I was there.”

“But something’s wrong.” Nina replied.

“With Sam? No, well I don’t know because no one tells me anything. I don’t exactly have a right to know. Except that I'm there, Nina, and I care, and I try to be respectful of the damn rules but its really driving me crazy. I know it’s in place for a reason. I was lucky they even allowed me to visit him; I told you how crazy the first time was.”

Nina nodded.

“Are you alright, Jess?”

“Sure.”

“Oh wow, that was believable.”

“What do you want from me, Neens?” She asked.

“I want the truth…it was never a problem before. I know things have been horrible lately. No one knows that more than I do. You haven’t given yourself a break since Haley died.”

“You mean since she was murdered.” Jessie said. “My sister was murdered.”

“Yeah, you haven’t stopped. You're working, taking care of your mom, Jack, and now Sam Kassmeyer. Who’s taking care of you? Just talk to me, Jess.”

“I miss my sister.” Tears filled Jessie’s eyes. “I miss her every moment of everyday. Talking about it doesn’t make it any easier to handle. I hardly even know what to say. Now I'm a full-time mom to a four year old. I have to be OK for Jack. My mom is actually helping, which is good, but it’s hard to focus on pain when you have to be there for a child.”

“How is Jack doing?” Nina asked.

“Everyday is a new day. We had a long talk about it Sunday before bedtime. He knows and is trying to understand that Mommy isn’t coming back. He knows we’re gonna take care of him and that Daddy is still fighting the bad guys. Jack told me that he’s doing it for Mommy.” She let out a ragged breath. “It’s really hard but my nephew is so amazing, Neens. I have to do the best I can to raise him like my sister wanted.”

“You have to raise him as best you can, Jess. You can't be Haley. You just have to take care of Jack and love him. I know how much you love him. But Aaron really thought it was a good idea to go back to the FBI? After all that’s happened he still wants to chase these maniacs? His family needs him now more than ever.”

“It’s his calling. I couldn’t tell him to stop doing it anymore than I could tell myself to stop writing. Staying at home crying in his oatmeal wasn’t going to bring Haley back. They'd been divorced for two years…both trying to move on. I'm not saying he didn’t love her, they were high school sweethearts, but so much had changed. You know all the complications.”

“Yeah, I do.” Nina nodded. “And then there's Sam Kassmeyer.”

“What about Sam?” Jessie asked.

“You tell me.”

“Oh c'mon, Nina, I'm tired. I barely have the energy for this. You’ve never been afraid to say what's on your mind. You're asking me to tell you what I feel. Don’t clam up on me now.”

“You visit him a lot.” She said.

“It makes me feel good and I know it’s good for him too.”

“So how often will you visit him when he wakes up?”

“I don't know. He won't be alone when he wakes up so…he probably won't need me.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“Oh God,” Jessie rolled her eyes. “Don’t do that. You sound like that grief counselor I went to see.”

“You didn’t tell me you went to see a grief counselor.” Nina said.

“I didn’t tell you because he sucked. After I said anything he kept asking how it made me feel. If I could put my feelings into words and have them make sense then I wouldn’t need him. Needless to say, I didn’t schedule a follow up.”

“I'm just worried about you, Jess. I'm worried that if Sam isn’t who you need him to be then you're going to be hurt. You’ve been hurt enough.”

“I don’t need him to be anything.” Jessie wasn’t sure she believed the words coming out of her mouth. She needed to add Sam to the ever increasing list of things that weren't making sense. “Well, I need him to be healthy and awake. After that it’s up to him. If he’s anything like Aaron he has no intention of letting three bullet holes and two reattached fingers stop him from being a U.S. Marshal.”

“And you can tell me that you're not developing feelings for him.” Nina replied.

“I know it’s been a while since I've had a date, Neens, but c'mon. I don’t think I've reached that desperate status just yet. He's a captive audience but it’s not like that. There’s this part of me that wants to say we’re friends but then I remember that he doesn’t know me from a can of beans. Still, I want to be there when he wakes up.

“I want to thank him for risking his life for my sister and nephew. He chose the option of a painful death before giving up their location. He deserves to know that someone will always be grateful for his sacrifice. What happens after will just happen, I guess.”

Nina nodded though she didn’t believe a word her best friend said. She and Jessie had been friends since sophomore year of college. She’d never been an easy read but like most difficult subjects, time made Nina a master at her. That’s why she knew there was more to the Sam Kassmeyer story than Jessie was saying.

Of course with all that had happened in the past five weeks, she couldn’t believe that Jessie still stood on both feet with her shoulders straight. So many others would’ve crumbled by now. She knew Jessie was strong but the time would eventually come where all of this would overwhelm her. Standing up from the chair, Nina brushed imaginary dust from her slacks.

“We’re partying Saturday night…no arguments.”

“You'll get none.” Jessie shook her head. “Last time I checked though, pregnant women weren't supposed to party.”

“Bullshit.” Nina laughed. “I'm in the mood for 80s night at Absinthe. They have the best fountain Cherry Coke in the District so at least I’ll get a sugar high. I’ll see you…when will you be in the office again?”

“Friday. With Jack’s schedule and not knowing how often his dad will be home, Friday and Sunday will be office days. My mom can look after him on weekends or Aaron will have him when he’s in town. And I’ll always be here on Tuesday.”

“Good deal. I'm heading home and you probably should too.”

“I'm going to the hospital for an hour or so and then home. After I get Jack in bed I think I'm gonna crack open a bottle of Chablis and soak in a hot bath.”

“That sounds like a plan, babe. I’ll call you later tonight.”

“Goodnight, Neens.”

For a while after Nina left, Jessie just stared at her computer screen. She was supposed to be writing an article about the _Top 10 Songs to Dance in Your Underwear To_. Her mind was somewhere else and it was a place that was difficult to navigate. Sighing, Jessie just gave up. She might be able to get some more written before she fell into bed tonight.

She stood and started packing up for the evening. There was only time to stay at the hospital for an hour tonight…Jack had to be in bed by 8:30. Jessie was burning the candle at both ends and had been for nearly a month. Worn down to the nub, she almost didn’t care if it all changed when Sam woke up. Something had to give.

***

Jessie came rushing off the elevator. She dropped her bag and things scattered; she muttered expletives while trying to pick them up. Rosalyn, one of the nurses, came to her aid.

“We were starting to think you wouldn’t make it tonight.” She said, handing Jessie the magazines and a small box of Lego accessories for Jack.

“Today was a little insane.” Jessie replied, shaking her head. “I knew I wouldn’t have another chance to get back here until Wednesday though. I didn’t want over a week to go by without seeing him.” She stood up, throwing the bag over her shoulder. “You might want to have an orderly follow me down the hall…I'm dripping all over the place. It’s really coming down out there.”

“We’ll get it all cleaned up. Don’t worry about it, Jessie.”

“Thanks.” She clipped her visitor’s badge to her shirt, a dark pink button down she paired with dark rinse jeans and her trusty, dusty motorcycle boots. “Off I go.”

She rushed down the hall to his room. Sam was in bed asleep, which wasn’t unusual. Jessie dumped all her stuff in the chair by the bed and tried to get everything together.

“I'm sorry I'm late; my day was insane. I was supposed to be here an hour ago. Sam, I'm not even going to get into how much I loathe DC traffic. I mean, c'mon, the District is a swamp. You think people would be used to rain. They're driving five miles an hour and chattering on cell phones. They act as if rain is some strange phenomenon never encountered around these parts. I truly considered road rage out there; I won't even lie to you.”

Jessie put her bag down by the chair as she always did. Her still wet umbrella went in the window sill and then she finally sat down. Reaching up, she turned on the wall light so she could see to read her book.

“I left you on a real cliffhanger last time I was here. We don’t have a lot of time but we can get a few chapters in before they boot me out.” Jessie closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled. She opened her eyes as some of the weight of the day lifted from her shoulders. She even managed a smile. “Hey, Sam.”

His eyes opened slowly. He wore a sleepy smile. “Hey Jessie.”

“Oh my God!” She exclaimed, the book falling onto the floor. Jessie quickly covered her mouth as a sob escaped and tears welled up in her eyes.

“Don’t cry.” He whispered, reaching out his injured hand to her.

“Oh my God, Sam, you're awake.” She cried. “You're awake.”

“That’s what they tell me.”

“I just…I thought…excuse me.” She jumped up from the chair and rushed out of the room. Her legs didn’t take her very far, just a few feet from the door. Jessie leaned against the wall, covered her face, and just sobbed. That’s how one of the nurses, Kyle, found her a few minutes later. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“I hope those are tears of joy.” He spoke in a consoling tone.

Jessie couldn’t say anything, she just kept crying. She couldn’t figure out the real reason for the tears and she didn’t know how to stop them. It was the last thing she was expecting tonight though he’d been under for five weeks now. For four of them she had been a constant visitor.

“The doctors have been weaning him off the sedatives since Monday.” Kyle said. “He woke up yesterday afternoon. One of the nurses, Darla, was in the room when he came to. She said he looked around, opened his mouth, and the first word he said was Jessie.”

“What?” that stopped the tears. She tried in vain to wipe her messy face. She thanked Kyle when he handed her some tissue. “What do you mean?”

“I mean all he wanted was to see you. Every woman since yesterday has been Jessie. We were a little worried that you might not make it tonight. We didn’t want to see him disappointed again.”

She didn’t even know what to say. All Jessie could do was shake her head…she didn’t quite believe what she was hearing.

“I should probably get back in there. I was thrown for a loop when he spoke to me. I've been talking for a month and never got a response. It was awesome and scary all in the same breath.”

“I'm sure it was.” Kyle replied. “Still, it was more awesome, right?”

“Definitely.” Jessie nodded and smiled. “Thanks, Kyle.”

“Anytime.”

She went back into the room, sitting down in the chair again. Sam opened his eyes and smiled.

“The last girl I made cry like that was Dana Crutchfield in the sixth grade. I pulled her hair pretty hard.”

“I was just…it’s hard to put into words. It’s really good to hear your voice. I was worried that you might not come back.”

“Here I am.” Sam replied.

“I can see that.” Jessie leaned forward, stroking his arm as she always did. “I don’t want you tiring yourself out because of me though.”

“I've been resting for a month, Jessie.”

“I know, but you're still weak. I’ll read to you tonight and maybe I’ll come back on Monday and we can talk.”

“Maybe?”

“Well I'm sure you're about to get quite busy.”

“I am? That’s news to me.”

“There will be therapy and visitors and…”

“I can handle that. That’s not gonna stop you from coming, will it?”

“It’s going to be overwhelming. I don’t want to be overwhelming.” Jessie lowered her voice to a whisper.

“I laid here for five weeks and you were here too. I'm awake now, Jessie, don’t go.”

“You need to rest, Sam, OK?” Jessie sighed. “I know the last thing you want to do right now is close your eyes and rest but it’s for the best. Visiting hours are almost over and I owe you a climax, don’t I?”

Sam grinned, too tired and woozy to even wrap his mind around what she said and the joke he could come back with. He closed his eyes and let the sound of her voice help him relax.

***

“Fish!” Jack said when his father put the card down on the table.

“That’s good buddy.” Hotch smiled. “What about this one?”

“Chair.”

“Excellent. Now this one.” He put down another card.

“Wagon.”

“You’ve been practicing, haven’t you?” Hotch cuddled his son on his lap.

“Aunt Jessie and me read every night at bedtime.” Jack replied.

“Aunt Jessie and I.” his father gently corrected.

“Yep.” Jack nodded. “We read everyday and when she visits Marshal Sam, I read with Grandma. Marshal Sam woke up from his nap Daddy; Aunt Jessie told me. I’ma go and visit him soon.”

“That sounds like a good idea, Jack. I bet that'll make him feel even better.”

“He protected me and Mommy. The bad man hurt him too but now he’s awake from his nap.”

“That’s really good news.” Hotch nodded as his breath hitched in his throat. He hugged Jack again, kissing him.

“C'mon, Jack, come and get your dinner.”

Jessie put the bowl of Beefaroni on her dining room table as Jack jumped down from his father’s lap. He ran over to his aunt. In Jessie’s Alexandria condo, similar to Emily’s, the living area was one large space. She lifted Jack from the floor and put him in his booster seat.

“I'm gonna go and talk with Daddy, OK? Holler if you need anything.”

“I'm not supposed to holler, Aunt Jessie. We’re inside and Mommy always told me to use my inside voice.”

“Alright, sweetie. Just call me if you need anything. Don’t forget to blow on your food first…its hot.”

“OK.” Jack wore a big grin as he picked up his spoon. Beefaroni was one of his favorites.

Jessie walked over to the couch and took a look at her living room.

“Wow, I need to do some sprucing up.” She put her hands in her jeans pockets.

“Jack is a bit of a whirlwind. I think you might need another toy chest.”

“We have one in his bedroom now.” She started to pick up the toys, crayons, and pop-up books. “Is Emily going to be alright, Aaron?”

“She's fine. The car accident banged her up but she refused to sit it out. When Emily makes up her mind there is no getting around it. I could’ve pulled rank but I knew that wouldn’t have been beneficial to the situation. Shrader made things personal when he threatened to kill her. Sometimes that can be good and sometimes it can be bad.”

“What was it this time?” Jessie asked, sitting down on the couch.

“Emily turned the anger around and made it her strength. She's good at that.”

“You care about her a great deal, don’t you?”

“She's a part of my team, Jessie. Separately, we’re all good at what we do. Together, we’re the best. Jason and I didn’t assemble this team for nothing. We knew what we were doing.”

“How long are you going to just have me believing she’s a teammate? Even Haley knew something was happening between you two.”

“Nothing happened when I was still married.” Hotch’s tone changed.

“Hey,” she put her hand on his shoulder. “I would never insinuate that it did. All I'm saying is that you don’t have to hide it from me. I’d be happy for the two of you. I always want you to be happy.”

“Jack tells me that Sam Kassmeyer is awake and that he might go visit him.”

Hotch thought it was better to change the subject. He didn’t know why he was hiding; he and Emily Prentiss were the FBI’s worse kept secret. He knew Jessie would be happy for him but Haley was her sister. She didn’t need to hear about her brother-in-law being in love with another woman. Not now. He didn’t know when but definitely not now.

“I didn’t make any promises about visiting.” Jessie said shaking her head. “I would never take him there without discussing it with you first. Jack is in a fragile place right now and I won't do anything to make that worse.”

“I think seeing Sam would make it a little better. You're not going to get any problem out of me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Hotch nodded. “It would probably be good for both of them. I don’t know how this is going to sound…”

“What?”

“You're allowed to make decisions concerning Jack. Haley wanted that if anything ever happened to her. I've known you for more than half my life, Jessie, and I love you like you're my own sister. I trust you with my son’s well-being. I know you want to discuss things, I do too and appreciate that, but you're the one going to be in the trenches everyday. I owe you so much for the decision you’ve made. I'm confident you'll take good care of him.”

“Can I tell you something, Aaron?”

“Of course.”

“I'm terrified of being a mom. I love Jack; believe me when I tell you that I’ll do my best by him. Still, I know how important it was to Haley that he be raised right. She and I didn’t have a lot in common when it came to how we lived our lives.”

“I'm scared too.” Hotch put his hand over hers on the couch cushion. “I worry about his well-being all the time. I worry that I'm not doing right by him as his father. I worry that he worships me at four but may blame me for all of this when he’s a teenager. We all love him so much and will do everything we can to raise a good, strong, loving boy. We’ll lean on each other.”

“OK.” Jessie nodded.

“So, you're gonna keep visiting Sam in the hospital now that he’s out of his coma?”

“I don't know. I don’t want to be in the way. I'm not sure of anything right now except that I'm happy he's awake. What happens next is anyone’s guess. There’s going to be a long road to recovery. A part of me wants to be there, as a friend. He’ll certainly need one…rehabbing isn’t easy. One of his Marshal buddies told me that Sam was career Marshal. That means he didn’t have much time for connections and relationships.”

“No,” Hotch shook his head. “He didn’t. You’re an amazing woman, Jess, and Sam Kassmeyer will be lucky to have you helping him along. I'm going to support you, whatever you choose. This time is hard for all of us. We need all the love and friendship we can get.”

Jessie nodded but didn’t say anything else. She put on a smile, got up from the couch, and went back to cleaning.

“Aunt Jessie?” Jack called. “Can I have some more?”

“I’ll get that for you buddy.”

Hotch went over to the dining room table. He took his son’s bowl and went into the kitchen with it.

***

She was avoiding him. That was hard to admit to herself but after a week Jessie just let the truth out. It had been a long, hectic week; they were knee deep into the November issue of Live Cubed. There were creative and financial meetings to discuss goals for 2010.

Jessie wrote an article about motherhood. She proofread three articles by other writers and did some chatting on the message boards. She and Nina met with the people from Nine West and Ann Taylor about advertising on their site. In the evenings she dusted off her novella, read half, and realized the Jessica Brooks who wrote it didn’t quite exist anymore.

Jack was in Headstart everyday from 8:30 to 1. He did Gymboree two days a week with his grandmother and Cub Scouts on Saturday mornings. Since his father’s traveling schedule was heavy and intense, Jack lived with Jessie full time. It was a big change in her life and they were all still adapting. Luckily her mother really stepped up to the plate, which had never been one of Marcia Brooks’ strong suits. She took Jack on weekends his dad wasn’t in town and every Tuesday because that was Jessie’s busiest day.

They both knew they could do it. They had to do it for Haley. Working out a smooth schedule would take some time but it would all fall into place eventually. Especially since Aaron was part of it as well. Days when he was in town, he wanted to spend them with Jack.

That gave both women a break, as raising a four year old was something akin to basic training for Jessie. Everything happened too quickly and she felt sometimes as if she were falling out of control into the blackness. It was like the bad dreams she was having more and more. The disturbance to her sleep didn’t help everything else that was going on.

After ten days of talking herself out of it, even though she had no idea why, Jessie went back to the only place where she felt some control. She was nervous when she walked through the door. She was actually more nervous than she had been on her first visit. Her nerves calmed down some when she saw the big smile on Sam’s face when he saw her.

“I was afraid I might not see you again. I had to finish _Double Deuce_ by myself but it wasn’t the same.”

“Everything decided to get out of control all at once.” Jessie replied, sitting down in her chair. “I did my best to hold it together but something had to be sacrificed. I'm sorry it was my visits to you.”

“Its fine.” Sam replied.

“No,” Jessie shook her head. “It’s not fine. I missed you. I missed just talking, no pretense no asking me how I feel. I missed just talking.”

“I missed hearing your voice.” He sighed. “I remember…I don't want to say anything that might hurt you, Jessie.”

“What do you mean?” her guard went up. Oh God, not this place too. She needed this solace; needed Sam to be a port in the storm. That probably wasn’t fair but it was true. It was why she had been avoiding him for so long. But she had to come back. The reason was something she had yet to allow herself to fully comprehend.

“I remember you telling me that Haley didn’t make it. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry that I couldn’t keep her safe.”

“Sam, you're here because you tried to keep them safe. He damn near had to kill you to stop you. My family is doing the best we can; some days are better than others. I want to talk about you for a little while if that’s alright. I've talked enough for the both of us for a month.”

“ _The Big Lebowski_ isn’t my favorite movie.” Sam said managing a smile.

“What?” Jessie laughed. “You heard that too?”

“I think Nick Guzman told you that. It’s a good movie but my favorite will always be _The Silence of the Lambs_.”

“I love that movie too, which is interesting because those kinds of films usually scare me witless. I appreciate the clarification.”

“You're welcome; and he is married.”

“This is weird.” Jessie closed her eyes for a minute and laughed. “I don't know what you heard during my visits and what you didn’t.”

“I don't know either.” Sam said, shrugging. “Sometimes I was so aware; I thought I could smell you. One of the nurses told me that you wear Heaven.”

“I do.”

“It’s lovely.” He didn’t think it would be the best idea to tell her that he smelled her everywhere now.

“Thank you.”

“There were times I could hear you clearly and feel your touch on my arm or my shoulder. Other times I was really far away. I sensed you, knew you were here, but couldn’t reach you. I would be too tired or in too much pain. So there are things that are vivid and things that aren’t. Sometimes it felt like a dream. Time wasn’t real where I was. It felt like the very next day when I came out of the coma. I knew that it wasn’t but it felt like it was.”

“Tell me something that’s vivid.” Jessie replied.

Before Sam could answer, a candy striper came in with the afternoon snack. It was Jell-O and she snuck Sam two bowls. One was strawberry, the other black cherry. She smiled at Jessie.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Kassmeyer. The nurses all talk about how wonderful you are but said you rarely made it in on weekends cuz of your son. I'm Allison.”

“Jessie.” She shook the young girl’s hand, hardly knowing what to make of her faux pas. She looked at Sam and he just looked content with his Jell-O. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

“Thanks. Well, see you later Marshal Sam.”

“Bye Allison.” Sam held up his uninjured hand to wave.

Jessie looked at him again as he pushed the black cherry Jell-O in her direction. He moved himself over on the bed, no easy feat, to make room for her. She hated to see him in pain. Climbing onto the bed she put her hand over his on the table.

“Mrs. Kassmeyer?” She took the spoon he offered her.

“I'm sorry about that. Sometimes I find it’s even harder to correct people. Wife, though untrue, is a solid answer. When answers aren’t solid they lead to all kinds of speculation and innuendo.”

“Hmm, like we’re illicit lovers and my husband’s rage put you in here.”

“You are a writer, aren’t you?” Sam managed a smile. “I have to say that’s five times better than the real reason.”

“I guess you get tired of people calling you a hero.” Jessie said.

“I don’t want to but I do. I'm a U.S. Marshal; I was doing my job. If anything, I failed.”

“No you didn’t.” her tone was sharp. “Don’t say that to me, Sam. My nephew is alive because of your bravery.”

“OK, I won't say it.”

“Don’t think it either.”

“Yes ma'am.” Sam nodded, quietly eating his Jell-O with his left hand.

“I guess it’s good that you're left handed.” Jessie wanted to change the subject.

“I'm ambidextrous actually; a lot of Marshals are. Its part of our training in case something like this happens. I learned how to do everything with my left hand, from shaving to…more personal things. I would constantly switch hands to keep in practice.”

“What's the doctor’s prognosis?”

“I’ll live, which I appreciate. I've been in therapy for a week now. They have me at two hours a day, six days a week. Today is my day off. The uphill battle has begun.”

“You won't be alone.” She couldn’t quite look at Sam when she said it. It was easier to focus on her Jell-O. Jessie wasn’t sure how her face looked or how his face looked either.

“I don’t think you need to tie another weight around your neck, Jessie. You're probably about to drown as is.”

“If you call yourself a weight again, I’ll punch you. I mean it. I hit very hard I’ll have you know.” Now she looked into his eyes.

“Jess…”

“This situation is tough enough for everyone involved. I think it'll be easier if we stick together. I want to do that. I have faith in that.”

“What? Sticking together?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“You and me?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think for right now I can have faith in your faith?”

“Absolutely. That’s alright too.”

“You asked me earlier to tell you something else that was vivid.” Sam smiled. “I remember that your best friend Nina used to date a guy named Tumultuous Ted.”

“Oh my God,” Jessie laughed, covering her mouth. She smiled when Sam gently pulled her hand away. “I can't believe I told you that story. I mean, it’s a good story but…poor Ted.”

“I'm sure you didn’t know it at the time but your stories kept me coming back, Jessie. You kept me coming back.”

Sam held her hand in his and looked at her. It was hard for Jessie to look away. He had the most beautiful blue eyes and though it scared her she thought she recognized the look in them.

***

She was staring up at the dark ceiling when she heard the cell phone vibrating on her nightstand. The alarm clock beside her said 1:42am. Jessie knew she’d barely had any sleep and wasn’t sure that she would get any. Jack wet the bed tonight. It wasn’t abnormal for a four year old to do something like that.

Still, she could never be sure if it was something normal or a sign of things to come. When he shared a bed with her or his father in the first few weeks following his mother’s death, it hadn't happened. Now it was the second time in nine days. Jessie needed to talk to Aaron about it. Jack needed to see his pediatrician and perhaps a child psychologist. It might sound a little extreme but if something was wrong then now was the time to work it out.

Jessie couldn’t help the chill in her bloodstream thinking of Jack becoming one of those monsters Aaron chased after. George Foyet had done enough to destroy her family. Jessie would do everything in her power to make sure his imprint was not left on her innocent nephew. Aaron said she had to start making some decisions. She was making one right now.

“Hello.” She answered her phone.

“It doesn’t sound like I woke you.” Sam replied.

“You didn’t.”

“Its almost two in the morning, Jessie, you should be asleep.”

“You do realize the phone would’ve woken me, right?”

She tried to lighten the mood but it didn’t quite work. Even with the miles between them, and the phone lines, Jessie could sense Sam’s worry. It had been her worry about him that led to the exchange of phone numbers last week. Sam told her that he was suffering from insomnia. He wouldn’t say anymore but Jessie told him to call if he ever needed anything, even a friendly voice on the phone.

She didn’t think he would do it. Men like Sam were familiar to her. Her father was one and so was her brother-in-law. They would worry about everyone else to take the focus from their own worries. She’d inherited that gene as well.

“What's the matter?” Sam asked.

“Jack wet the bed tonight.”

“He’s four years old. Don’t most four year olds wet the bed at one time or another?”

“Bedwetting is one of the first signs of trauma in a child, Sam. The fact that he’s four years old makes it more confusing. I want to take him to a doctor.”

“Is he exhibiting any other signs?”

“I don’t know. What worries me is I'm going to miss something and that’s going to hurt Jack. I don’t know how Aaron will react to this decision. We've never talked about it before; some people are anti-therapy.”

“With what he does for a living, I seriously doubt he’s one of them.” Sam replied. “I don’t know Aaron Hotchner well but I know how much he loves his son. He’s going to do everything he can to keep Jack safe and secure after what's happened.”

“Are you experiencing any trauma?” Jessie asked.

“Probably.”

“Sam…”

“Well, I have insomnia, but I've had that on and off for about 15 years. I'm sleeping too early here. After PT I’m exhausted and then you visit in the evenings. So I’ll pass out around nine o’clock but will only sleep four or five hours. It’s better than nothing.”

“That’s true. What do you do when you can't sleep?” she asked.

 _Think about you_ , Sam’s mind replied. His mouth said nothing. It was not a good idea to go there. Certainly not tonight and probably never. Sam was sure it was some kind of weird post traumatic attachment thing. Wasn’t it?

“Sam? Sam, are you there?”

“I'm here. I just lie here and try not to let what happened to me play on constant loop.”

“Are you having nightmares?”

“Day-mares sometimes.” he replied. “I don’t sleep much at night, remember.”

“Right.” Jessie laughed a little. “I wish there was something I could do for you.”

“You’ve done more than you know. I sometimes wish you were here and I'm sure that I shouldn’t be wishing that.”

“Why don’t you want to wish that? It’s not such a horrible thing is it?”

“I miss you when you're not here. I'm sorry, Jessie.”

“What are you sorry for? I miss you when I'm not there too.”

“Should we be doing that?”

“What?” Jessie asked.

“Missing each other? We don’t know each other very well yet but I do know you don’t like men being forward.” Sam said.

“I don’t?”

“I remember when Nick Guzman came to visit me that he tried to pick you up. You didn’t like him being so forward.”

“You're not Nick Guzman, Sam; or should I say Nick Guzman isn’t you.”

“I remember the way he came onto you upset you.” Sam replied.

“It wasn’t so much the way he came onto me. I could’ve gotten over that. It was that he did it in front of you. I didn’t want you to hear that.”

“I appreciate that. I owe you a month’s worth of conversation. I think I've gotten a good start over the past two weeks. I felt some guilt that I knew you so well and you didn’t know me.”

“There's time to get to know you better; please don’t feel guilty. I would say tell me something now but you need to go to sleep. I probably need to go to sleep.”

“Yeah, you're right.”

“We’ll spend the weekend together. Does that sound good?”

Sam tried, and failed, to stop his mind from going to the place a man’s mind went when a fantastic, amazing, and beautiful woman said she would spend the weekend with him. It would sound better if he wasn’t stuck in the hospital. Of course he wouldn’t even know Jessie if The Reaper hadn't murdered her sister. He was sure they were both still wrapping their minds around that as they slowly walked a very fine line. Sam’s walking wasn’t so good these days…he knew he was falling. The last thing he needed was a hard landing.

“I'm sure you're busy this weekend. How often do you get real time off?”

“I told you that for the most part I make my own hours. I want to spend these hours with you, Sam.”

“What about your family?” he asked.

“They're leaving me to my own devices. Aaron is taking Jack and Emily Prentiss to his parents’ house in Richmond to celebrate her birthday on Columbus Day. My mom left today for ten days at a commune in New Mexico. Her friend Kirby is a total hippie and apparently New Mexico is his Mecca. She just needs to find some peace; I truly hope she does.”

“Where will you find your peace, Jessie?”

I've found some of it in you, she said to herself. She couldn’t say that aloud, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone. Sometimes life wasn’t fair but things were complicated enough. Her feelings, as confusing as they were, were probably just her own. It wasn’t right to give Sam that along with everything else he was dealing with. “That’s a long conversation.” She said instead.

“I've got nothing but time. I want to listen.”

“You're going to sleep, Mister. We’ll talk this weekend, I promise.”

“Alright. I'm looking forward to it. Sweet dreams, Jessie.”

“I think there might be now. Goodnight, Sam.”

“Goodnight.”

She hung up quickly because she feared she wouldn’t. He needed his rest and his strength. His recovery was going well and on Tuesday after the holiday Sam would be moved to the Culver Rehabilitation Center in Fairfax, Virginia. The doctors wanted him to stay there for six weeks but Jessie could already tell Sam was getting antsy. He was just like Aaron after that explosion in New York or the stabbing by George Foyet.

As soon as he wasn’t doubled over in pain he was back at work. But Sam needed to learn to walk again on two plastic knees. His foot was healing well but he would need therapy for his hand. Jessie didn’t think returning to the Marshals was a good idea, though it wasn’t her place to say. She was pretty sure if he got the green light he would run with it.

She sighed, got out of bed, and checked on Jack. He was curled under the blanket; sound asleep with his teddy bear. It had been a tough night, another tough night, but they got through it. There would be more…Jessie knew that.

She also knew that it was time to do something about it. Back in her bed, she clutched a picture of she and Haley when they were little girls. Pictures were all she had left of her sister. Jessie didn’t know which was worse, the truth or her eventual acceptance of it.

***

“OK, lemme see.” Jessie said smiling.

“Are you sure?” Sam asked. “I don't know if you can handle it, it’s a bruiser.”

“I can handle it.”

“Alright but if it turns your stomach just remember you were warned.”

“Yeah right. I think its time to put up or shut up, Marshal Kassmeyer. Show me.”

Sam nodded, grabbing his tee shirt and lifting it over his head. He turned his back to her, showing his shoulder.

“Eww, can I touch it?”

“That’s a loaded question.”

“Sam!” Jessie exclaimed laughing. “Shh, we’ll get in trouble for having too much fun in a hospital. Don’t make me laugh.”

“Why not? I like your laugh a lot. Go ahead and touch it…I don’t mind at all.”

Jessie crinkled her nose as her fingers ran over the hole in his shoulder. It wasn’t a real hole, more like a dent. It was a significant dent. She touched it lightly and then stroked it. His skin was warm and she liked the way it felt.

“What happened?”

“Well back in the day Pikeville Boys Camp used to have archery. These days, they would never do such a thing.”

“Wow that must have hurt.”

“It hurt like hell.” He replied, putting his shirt back on.

“Tell me the story.”

Jessie wouldn’t have minded if he left the shirt off but she didn’t say a word. The man had a nice body; she felt bad for thinking about it. She couldn’t help herself since he was right there beside her. It was a rainy Saturday afternoon and their plans to cruise the hospital grounds were dashed. Sam was disappointed because the weather would turn cold in the coming weeks.

He was tired of being trapped in the hospital…the walls were closing in on him. He wasn’t the type to sit still for long periods of time. Even short periods of time were a trial. He never thought he’d be grateful for the spacious rehab facility he’d be moving to. He was even more grateful for Jessie Brooks.

Sam was trying to find a way to say so; every way he thought about seemed wrong. Technically he’d only known her for two weeks. It seemed unreal to him that he could feel some of the things he was feeling for her. He feared that the feelings were the result of something else other than affection. He wasn’t sure what so he just kept his mouth shut. The quiet was OK for now.

They were sitting together in his room. Both in chairs, Sam rested his feet up on his hospital bed. She was so happy to see him up and around. They were even able to take a short walk earlier.

It was very short, just to the end of the hall and back. Sam was exhausted afterward. Jessie couldn’t help but throw her arms around him in excitement once he was back in his wheelchair. She thought they were both still grinning from that moment.

“OK, my friend Marty Platt and I decided to play Robin Hood with some other campers in the woods. I drew the short stick and had to be the Sheriff of Nottingham. I didn’t feel too bad about it because I got a rapier. We stole, OK we procured, it from the activities shed.” Sam grinned.

“We had been playing for about 20 minutes, a combination of hide and seek and war, when the arrow pierced my shoulder blade. No one remembers exactly how it happened. Marty thought he killed me. I just lay on the ground with an arrow in my back…very dramatic.

“Some kids rushed to get the counselors. After I was patched up we were all banned from activities for a week. It was better than being banned from camp. My mother would’ve killed me.”

“It looks like it went pretty deep.” Jessie said, touching his shoulder again. She was thinking about him with his shirt off. She was thinking about touching his skin and Sam touching hers. Jessie didn’t know how to turn it off. Who would want to let go of such a feeling?

“The whole arrowhead penetrated the skin. You have to admit that the scar is pretty cool though.” Sam grinned.

“I did read somewhere that some chicks dig scars.”

“I have my fair share…I was an accident prone kid. I think my knees are going to be the best one yet; they’re pretty gnarly.”

“What convinced you to be a U.S. Marshal, Sam?”

“My father was a cop. I always wanted to be like him because he saved people.”

“Did he die in the line of duty?” Jessie asked.

“He was on duty one night and had a car accident. He skidded on some black ice and went over a barrier into an embankment. He was killed instantly. I was only nine years old.”

“Oh Sam,” Jessie took his hand, being careful not to grip too hard. Her own father’s death came to the forefront again. “I'm so sorry. My dad died when I was young so I understand that pain.”

“It was a long time ago. One thing I never forgot was the joy he got from being a police officer. My mom and aunt weren't happy with my decision but they supported me. I wanted that joy; they didn’t want to deny me that.”

“Well this can't be too joyful.” She replied.

“You're wrong.” He stroked her hand. “I struggle to find an imperfect particle of this moment. Life is a series of moments, Jessie, my aunt taught me that. Some moments are good, some bad, and some are excruciating. This moment is really good. The circumstances of it don’t matter; only the moment does.”

“Well I brought you a surprise…we can keep the good going. Do you want it?”

“Yes ma'am.” Sam nodded.

She got up and grabbed her messenger bag from the corner. Jessie pulled out a laptop.

“You brought me a laptop?”

“I brought you movie night.”

She took _The Silence of the Lambs_ DVD out of her bag and he smiled.

“You're so awesome.” Sam said, grinning.

“Not really.” Jessie shook her head.

“Yeah, really; really, really.”

“C'mon, I’ll help you into bed and we’ll watch.”

That sounded really good to him. Sam got his feet down and stood up from the chair. He was a little stiff as Jessie helped him onto the bed.

“Are you OK?”

“Yeah. I shouldn’t sit in one position for too long. The doctor said the stiffness will go away with time. I'm not sure I believe him.”

“Well relax; you’ve been up too long.”

“These beds were not made for comfort.”

Sam pushed himself back against the mound of pillows before swinging his legs over. The pain wasn’t as intense as it had been a week ago but it was no picnic either. Jessie set up the laptop on the tray table after pulling it over to the bed.

“Ready or not, I'm coming in.” she said.

“I'm ready.”

Jessie kicked off her shoes and climbed into bed with him. It was a bit of a squeeze but they made it work. She turned some, resting her back against his chest and side. Sam put his arm around her shoulder to give his injured hand room.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked.

“Wait, we’re missing something.” Jessie said.

“Popcorn?”

“Lights…you can't watch a scary movie with the lights on.” She reached up and turned off the lamp. The room was plunged into the gray darkness of the rainy day.

“They're going to think we’re making out in here.” Sam whispered. He felt Jessie shiver when his breath hit her skin.

“Well, if you can't make out with Mrs. Kassmeyer, who can you make out with?”

They both laughed and Jessie hit play on her Media Movie Player.

000

Jessie slowly opened her eyes when she felt the hand on her shoulder. She looked at Kyle, confusion on her face. He gave her a smile and pointed at his watch. She nodded, squinting as he turned on the lamp over the hospital bed. Then he scampered out of the room, sorry to interrupt the intimate moment.

Jessie didn’t even remember falling asleep. The last scene she remembered was Hannibal insulting the Senator. Then Kyle was waking her up. It had been so warm and comforting in Sam’s arms; she was still in his arms. Somehow she must’ve cuddled closer and he pulled her in. They seemed to have fallen asleep together. It was a little cruel to pull them apart now but it was time to go.

“Sam?” She whispered. “Hey you, I think we fell asleep. Sam?” she put her hand over his heart. The strong thumps of his heartbeat only made her want to stay and listen to it. “Sam?”

Jessie pressed her lips on his. He didn’t wake up so she kissed him again, and again. About to give up and regretfully slip out of his sleepy arms, Sam pulled her close. His kiss was deep and passionate. The noise that came from her diaphragm was something Jessie didn’t even recognize.

Heat shot through her whole body…she felt like she was on fire. Her arms moved around Sam’s neck, pulling him even more into the kiss. She was so glad she was already sitting down. Passion like this would have knocked her out for sure.

“I have to go.” Jessie whispered, her lips barely apart from his.

“Don’t…”

“We’re in a hospital, Sam.”

“That’s starting to come back to me.” He replied. “Don’t go.”

“Visiting hours are over.”

“Damn.”

Jessie smiled, kissing him again. Sam stroked her cheek and the electricity coursed through them both.

“I’ll be back on Monday.”

She climbed out of the bed and grabbed her computer. The power was drained so she just slipped it into her laptop bag. Then she slung it across her chest.

“You're working tomorrow aren’t you?” Sam asked. He stretched a little, grimacing.

“It'll just be for a few hours. That’s not a crime.”

“No but it’s a sin. One shouldn’t work on the Sabbath.”

“I’ll think about that…while I'm working. I better go.”

“I had a great time today, Jess.”

“Me too.” Jessie smiled, leaning across the bed to kiss his cheek. “Get some rest.”

“That was easier a few minutes ago.” He said. “Drive safely in this rain.”

“I will. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

She smiled, leaving the room. Passing the nurses station, Jessie saw it was 9:15.

“I'm sorry Lisa.”

“Why?” the nurse asked.

“I'm 45 minutes over.” Jessie replied.

“It’s fine. Sam is so happy when you're here. With all that he’s been through, none of us want to put a damper on that. Happiness is a big part of recovery. Patients whose loved ones play an active role in their recovery show better results every time.”

“Well I’ll be back on Monday. Have a great night.”

“You too, Jessie. Drive safely.”

She went down to her metallic silver blue Dodge Durango and sat there for a few minutes. He kissed her…she kissed him. They kissed. Oh my God, he was a fantastic kisser. Jessie knew sleep wouldn’t come easy tonight. She didn’t know if anything would come easy; it would be hard to stop thinking about it. Her cell phone rang and scared the hell out of her.

“Hello.”

“We kissed.” Sam said.

“Yeah, we did.”

“I really liked kissing you.”

“Is this something we should talk about?” Jessie asked. “I can't deny how it made me feel, Sam.”

“I don’t want you to do that; I won't do it either. It’s been a while for me…I guess I forgot what it was like.”

“Magic.” Jessie replied.

“I was going to say fireworks.”

“When you say a while…?”

“2006.” Sam said.

“You haven’t kissed a woman since 2006? Are you serious?”

“I've been a very busy man. It was worth every second of the wait, Jessie, I assure you.”

“I haven’t since February, but that was because I didn’t want to. A kiss should hold a promise. I didn’t want to promise anyone anything.”

“I don’t quite know how to take that.” Sam replied.

“Take it as a kiss holds a promise. I need to go now; have a good night, Sam.”

“Goodnight.”

Jessie hit end and dropped the cell phone on her passenger seat. Starting the car, she put her Bluetooth in her ear and pressed 4. It rang three times and then she heard the voice.

“Hey Jess.”

“Neens, we need to talk. Do you have a few minutes?”

“Of course I do; what's up?”

***

“I'm not very comfortable with this.” Hotch whispered. He looked at Jack, who was content to sit at a table and color. The boy was oblivious to why he was there. “I know those are my issues and not Jack’s.”

“I'm worried too.” Jessie replied. “But I'm worried about what Jack will say, not what he won't. Dr. Kallen is the best in the area. He specializes in traumatized children, Aaron. If something’s wrong he's gonna know it.”

“What are we going to do if something’s wrong?”

“We’ll get Jack the help he needs. We can do this.”

Hotch nodded, crossing his arms. A lanky white man with white hair walked into the room and smiled.

“Hi Jessie.” He said.

“Hello.” She shook his hand. “It’s nice to see you, Dr. Kallen. This is my brother, Aaron Hotchner.”

“It’s good to meet you, Agent Hotchner.” The doctor shook his hand. “Can you tell me a little something about Jack?”

“Well he's four years old and um…” Hotch took a deep breath and shook his head. “I don't know; I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”

“It’s OK, Aaron.” Jessie rubbed his arm. “Jack is four years old and his mother was murdered about two months ago. He’s been wetting the bed more than he used to. I've noticed some hyper vigilance, startled responses to loud noises, and possibly bad dreams. He also seems to be getting shyer. Jack was quite outgoing before his mom died. I know some of these things probably fall under normal grieving but I was worried about him so I brought him here. He’s just a little boy and I don't know how to ask him if he's OK.”

“You both understand that I have to talk to Jack alone?” Dr. Kallen asked.

“I'm uncomfortable with that.” Hotch said.

“That’s a two way mirror.” Dr. Kallen pointed. “You can see everything from there, Agent Hotchner. Jack will be safe in here. At any time if you want to stop the interview, knock on the glass. Please don’t walk in unannounced, it'll just confuse Jack. I want you to introduce me and then step out. Is that alright?”

Jessie nodded and finally so did Hotch. All three walked over to Jack. Dr. Kallen sat on the couch close to the table where Jack is coloring.

“Hey Jack Jack?”

“Yes, Aunt Jessie?”

“I want to introduce you to someone. This is Dr. Kallen and he wants to talk to you.”

“Hi.” Jack smiled at him.

“Hello Jack. You think you and I can talk for a little while?”

“OK.”

“How about sitting on the couch with me?”

Jack looked at his father and Hotch nodded. He got out of the chair, climbing up on the couch.

“Aunt Jessie and I will be right outside buddy while you talk to the doctor. We’re not far away.”

“You promise?” Jack asked.

“Absolutely.” Hotch held back tears, taking a deep breath. “We’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“OK, Daddy.”

Jessie smiled. She kissed Jack’s cheek to reassure him before they left the room. Then they stood in front of the two way mirror to watch the interview.

“My name is Dave, Jack, and I just want to talk to you for a little while.”

“I have an Uncle Dave.” Jack replied. “He saves people like Daddy does. He has whiskers on his face and they tickle when he hugs me.”

“Do you love your Uncle Dave?”

“Mmm hmm.” Jack nodded. “He lets me play with his dog sometimes. But he’s gone a lot like Daddy.”

“Where does Daddy go, Jack?”

“He goes to save people. He catches bad men and puts them in jail.”

“Do you miss him when he leaves?” Dr. Kallen asked.

Jack nodded. “But I'm a big boy.”

“What's being a big boy mean?”

“I look after Aunt Jessie and Grandma when Daddy’s gone. I used to look after Mommy but now she’s in heaven.”

“Do you know why she’s in heaven?”

“She died.” Jack’s voice was low as he clutched the green crayon he’d been coloring with a few minutes before. “The bad man hurt her. He hurt Marshal Sam too but Daddy stopped him. I helped…I worked the case.”

“Are you afraid of the bad man, Jack?”

He didn’t answer for a while, looked all around the room and then at Dr. Kallen.

“Sometimes.” He whispered. “But it’s OK to be afraid sometimes. Even brave people are; Daddy said so.”

“Can you tell me what else you're afraid of?”

Jack shrugged. Dr. Kallen decided not to push for the moment.

“Aunt Jessie takes good care of you, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah.” the little boy perked up some. “She makes me Beefaroni and we play and read books and talk too. She’s the best.”

“What do you guys talk about?”

“Anything I want.”

“Do you talk about Mommy?”

“Aunt Jessie said Mommy’s an angel now and she protects me in Heaven. Daddy protects me down here.”

“Do you know what protect means, Jack?” Dr. Kallen asked.

“It keeps me safe from bad people and bad things. You protect people when you love them a whole bunch.”

“That’s a really good answer. Tell me something that you're afraid of.”

“Thunder. I sleep with Aunt Jessie or Daddy when we have thunder.” He was whispering again. “Agent Emily taught me to count between the lights and the thunder. Sometimes it makes me less scared…only sometimes.”

“Who's Agent Emily?”

“She loves Daddy and he loves her too. She fights the bad people; she reads their minds.”

“How does she do that?” Dr. Kallen asked.

“She has super powers.”

“So when there's no thunder, do you like bedtime?”

“It’s OK. I’d rather play or read my books.”

“I'm sure you would.” He smiled. “I just have a few more questions…is that OK?”

“Mmm hmm.” Jack nodded.

“At bedtime, do you ever have bad dreams?”

“I dream about the bad man hurting Mommy and me. But Constable Bear keeps him away and my nightlight does too. If I'm really scared, I call Aunt Jessie. She’ll let me sleep in her bed.”

“You're a very lucky little boy, Jack. What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“I wanna be the FBI.” He got excited. “I’ma catch the bad men just like my Daddy. I’ll read their minds and stop them. Mommy used to worry about Daddy when he went away. She’ll protect me from heaven so I can be a hero.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Yeah! My Daddy is a hero, just like Superman.” Jack lowered his voice. “He can't fly though. That’s OK; the bad men are still scared of him. And I love him.”

“I know he loves you too. Mommy loved you too, right?”

“Yes. She kept the bad man away so I could work the case with Daddy. I miss her a lot but she’s still in here.” Jack pointed to his heart. “Agent Emily might be my new mommy. She won't be like mommy mommy but she’ll take care of me. She said she would.”

“She said she would take care of you?”

“Yeah.” Jack nodded.

“Well, you did a very good job answering my questions, Jack. Thank you so much.”

“You're welcome.”

“Why don’t you go back over to the table and finish coloring. I'm gonna get your dad and Aunt Jessie. Will you be OK by yourself?”

“I think so.”

Jack hopped off the couch and went back to his artwork. Dr. Kallen went outside to the double sided mirror. He observed Jack while Hotch and Jessie did the same.

“He’s an amazing little boy.” The doctor said.

“Thank you. Is he alright?”

“I’d like to see him again in 30 days. We should set up a schedule of every 30 days for 3 months.”

“Why?” Hotch asked.

“It’s for preventive care. Jack is smart and sensitive. His mother’s death surely affected him but he hasn’t grasped that she was murdered.”

“I don’t want him to grasp that.” Hotch said. “No child should ever have to.”

“When Jack said he worked the case with you what does that mean, Agent Hotchner?”

“I was working from home one day in my study and I heard knocking from Jack’s toy box. When I opened it and asked what he was doing, he said he was working the case with me. George Foyet called me when he had my family hostage. He wanted me to hear him kill them.

“I told Jack to work the case with me, and Foyet didn’t know what that meant. Jack was able to hide…he didn’t see what happened to his mother. I know he heard the gunshots and I have to live with that but I’m doubtful he knew what they were. He didn’t move from that toy box until I came to get him. Working the case is very important to him.”

“I understand. It’s not quite rare but such clarity in a four year old will be a help, not a hindrance. He’s honest and wants to understand things. He’s quite verbal and not secretive.

“While he did clam up on me when I asked what he was afraid of when I brought the question around again, he answered it. I believe the 90 day observation is a good idea. Jack obviously suffered a trauma. How he’s working that out in his mind is what I’d like to observe.”

“We’ll have him here once a month.” Jessie replied. “His well being is the most important thing to us.”

“I have to agree with that.” Hotch nodded. He was uncomfortable but had seen the interview with his own eyes. This would be good for Jack. And he trusted Jessie with his son’s well being. He didn’t just say that to make her feel better about her maternal fears. They’d known each other since Jessie was a little girl; she was his family. There were many people who loved Jack, he was a blessed little boy, but Jessie loved him the most.

“Alright. You can take Jack home now. Jessie, call my nurse to set up another appointment next month.”

“I will.”

“We’ll say goodbye together.” Dr. Kallen said.

The three adults went back into the room. Jack was coloring as Jessie gathered up his coat and backpack.

“C'mon sweetie, we have to get ready to go. We're going to get some lunch.”

“OK, Aunt Jessie.”

He abandoned his crayons and went over to his aunt. Dr. Kallen picked up his drawing and looked at it. There were six stick figures with smiling faces surrounding another stick figure. This one had a jagged mouth and large, red beady eyes.

In the background there was a house and a tree. At the top was a floating stick figure with a halo. Hotch immediately knew what it was; he turned away from the intensity of it. His son knew what happened in that house, even if he couldn’t comprehend it. His drawing said it all.

“What's this you were drawing a picture of, Jack?” Dr. Kallen asked.

“That’s Daddy and the FBI taking down the bad guy. Its Daddy, Uncle Dave, Uncle Derek, Agent Emily, Agent JJ, and Agent Spencer…they're a team. That was after Mommy went to heaven. There she is.” Jack pointed to her in the picture.

“This is a great picture. Can I keep it?”

“Mmm hmm.” He nodded.

“Thank you.” The doctor put it on his desk.

“You're welcome.”

After his windbreaker was zipped and his backpack on, Hotch picked his son up.

“I wanna go to McDonald’s, Daddy. We can get nuggets.”

“OK buddy, nuggets it is.”

“Bye Dave.” Jack waved.

“Goodbye Jack. Do you think you'd want to come and visit me again? We can talk and color some more pictures?”

“OK.” Jack nodded. “Bye bye.”

Hotch walked out and Jessie shook Dr. Kallen’s hand.

“Thank you so much. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate this.”

“Jack is going to be alright. There are so many good people looking out for his well-being. Have you been able to find a grief counselor to discuss your thoughts with, Jessie?”

“It’s on my list of things to do, I promise.”

“Prioritize it Jessie.” He replied.

“I will. Thank you.”

She left the office, catching up with Hotch and Jack in the hallway.

“Jack, were you OK with Dr. Dave asking you all of those questions?” he asked.

“Mmm hmm.”

“And you would be OK seeing him again?”

“He's nice. I can talk to him about Mommy and Agent Emily and Constable Bear.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Jessie kissed his cheek. “You can talk to him about whatever you want to sweetie. He’s here to help you.”

Hotch put on a smile as they made their way to the car. This was for the best; it was for Jack. The idea of his son’s trauma going unchecked trumped his discomfort by a mile. Jack needed him to be strong and Hotch wasn’t going to let his son down again. Now he just had to add talking to Jessie about Emily to his list of things to do immediately.

***

“Are you fucking Sam Kassmeyer?”

“Mom!”

“What?”

“What kind of question is that?” Jessie asked.

“It’s a viable question. I don’t think you’d be so bent out of shape if the answer was no.”

“Mom…”

Jessie spoke through clenched teeth as she put her fork down. She should've known something was up when her mother said she wanted to spend the afternoon shopping and having quality time together. It wasn’t that Jessie and her mom didn’t get along, they were fine. Still, it was no secret that Haley was her favorite. Haley was the one she loved, who did everything right. Haley was there to lean on and to take care of things Marcia didn't want to take care of.

That list was long and varied. Jessie was the accident baby. No one ever said that out loud but she knew. Haley was nearly nine years old when she was born. Perhaps a little boy would’ve been revered. Another little blonde girl was just another little blonde girl.

Her parents loved her and took care of her and she and her sister were always close. Jessie just wanted to march to the beat of a different drum. If the Brooks family listened to Chopin, she wanted to blast AC/DC. Her father encouraged her to embrace any way of life that made her happy. He was always one of her favorite people in the world.

He’d been the best man in her life and died when she was 14. Life changed after that and though Jessie’s light eventually returned it was never quite as bright. Now Haley was gone; only two remained. A lovely Saturday afternoon was about to quickly spiral into an Excedrin evening. Jessie needed to grab the reins and get control of the runaway wagon.

“Sam is in a rehab facility, Mom. We aren’t sneaking quickies in the bathroom when the nurses aren’t looking.”

“You don’t have to be vulgar, Jessie.”

“You don’t have to ask such pointed, personal questions.” She replied.

“Well you're in love with him. Am I wrong about that?”

“Sam and I are just friends. We’re good friends but just friends.”

“You took Jack to see him.” Marcia said.

“Yes, I did. Aaron and I both thought the visit would be a good thing. It was a good thing. Jack was worried about him and now he's not. One less thing weighing on him will never be bad.”

“I don’t think it was a good idea. It'll bring up too many bad memories.”

“For who, Mom?” Jessie went back to her five cheese tortellini though it didn’t taste as good as it had before this conversation started.

“All of us.”

“It doesn’t bring up bad memories for me, Aaron, or Jack. We have enough of those and none of them are attached to Sam. He's one of the good guys.”

“He didn’t protect her!” Marcia exclaimed. She wasn’t able to check her tone; people turned to look at them.

Jessie took a deep breath. She didn’t want to do this right now; she didn’t want to do it at all. Even with all the guilt that followed, Jessie was prepared to decline her mother’s shopping invitation today. Jack couldn’t be her excuse. He was spending the weekend with Emily’s parents.

Aaron told her how fond they were of the little boy…how they were eager to join the village that was now raising him. Jessie could only snicker that Aaron would let him spend the weekend with Ambassador and Mrs. Prentiss but still couldn’t admit that he and Emily were serious. He managed to tell Jessie that Emily was really special but he still wasn’t sure where it was going. Yeah right. He was kind of adorable when he lied through his teeth.

Of course, knowing Aaron, he didn’t know what was going on. Since Jessie wasn’t involved and knew, he might want to figure it out soon. With the Jack excuse out, she thought of using work in his place. That wouldn’t be good because her mother would just browbeat her by saying she worked too much. That was easy to say when you never worked at all.

John Bradshaw Brooks was an OBGYN from a wealthy family; everyone was content with Marcia staying home “raising” the children. Jessie had to just swallow it and said yes to shopping. She agreed to it and just hoped to get through it. Her mother was shopping for another trip to New Mexico with Kirby scheduled for the day after Thanksgiving. This time they would be gone for two weeks. Jessie was in the home stretch, an early dinner, before Marcia dropped the boulder on her head.

Just because it wasn’t unexpected didn’t make it any less hurtful and obnoxious. Jessie was 34 years old; there wasn’t much else she could or would do to gain maternal approval and affection. A part of her thought Marcia was buried with Haley. She hated herself for thinking that and that hatred got her to agree to these kinds of things. Jessie wasn’t sure if it was a trap all along or if Sam just popped into her mother’s mind. It didn’t matter…the results would be the same.

“Mom, he was shot in both kneecaps, his foot, and had two fingers cut off. Through excruciating pain, he never gave up Haley and Jack’s location. George Foyet tricked her and murdered her. I blame him for what happened. There is no one else to blame. Blaming Sam is like blaming Aaron; nothing good will come of it.”

“He promised Aaron he would take care of them like his own family.” She reasoned. “Don’t get too close to him Jessie; he has a hell of a way of protecting people.”

“He nearly died for them. Don’t you understand that?”

“He nearly died. My daughter is dead. And you give your affection to him as a consolation prize for his part in murdering her?”

“That’s not fair. It was a mean thing to say and it’s not fair.”

They were quiet for a while. Jessie already knew the apology would never come. Like other issues with her mother, this horrible conversation would just smooth over with time. It would live on in the back of Jessie’s mind and play on repeat when she couldn’t sleep at night or when the world was too quiet.

“Just tell me that you aren’t in love with him.” Marcia said.

“My feelings for Sam are none of your business, Mom. I don’t want to go down this road. I don’t even understand why we’re having this conversation.”

“For years I've been trying to get you to meet a nice guy and settle down, Jessie. Every time you date someone you find 500 things, silly things, wrong with him and break it off. What's so special about Sam Kassmeyer? Why does it have to be him?”

“I'm not…” Jessie stopped. She couldn’t say it; couldn’t tell her mother that she didn’t have feelings for Sam. It wasn’t right that Marcia wanted diagrams and pie charts when Jessie hadn't even allowed the possible truth of the matter to invade her thoughts for more than a few moments at a time. “Can we change the subject please? We were having a nice afternoon. Things are hard enough all around, Mom; the little joys should be appreciated.”

Little joys were her and Sam’s first kiss two weeks before. They were bedtime stories with Jack, dinners with Nina and other friends, and bowls of ice cream in the evening. She missed the sound of sister’s voice, her laughter, and the things that only siblings could share. Jessie was blessed; there were many people who loved her.

None of them could replace Haley. She just had to keep going, one day after another after another. A time would come when it didn’t hurt so much. She wasn’t sure if the hole would ever be filled but life went on for those left behind.

“I'm not hungry anymore.” Jessie put down the fork. “I'm sorry Mom, I just…I need to go. I can't do this.”

“Jessica, don’t you walk away from me.”

“You did this, I didn’t. We were having a nice afternoon and…you didn’t have to bring up Sam. You're blaming him for things that aren’t his fault. And you're making me feel as if I've wronged you in some way when I've done nothing of the sort. Its never good enough for you, is it?”

“Why are you so bent out of shape? You're in love with him and if you can't admit it to me then you surely can't admit it to yourself. This is trauma; nothing more. Get away from him before you get in too deep. This is not what's going to make you happy. It’s just going to hurt you. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“You’ve never had any idea what's good for me. Don’t disguise your anger as genuine care. I just need to go.” Jessie pulled a twenty out of her jeans pocket and put it on the table. “I'm sorry.”

There was nothing else to say so she walked out. She walked the two blocks to the parking lot and her waiting car. In the driver’s seat, Jessie put her face in her hands. She wasn’t going to cry; she was tired of crying. Anger wouldn’t help either.

She hated being mad at her mother. She hated the way it felt. She really hated that it had to be this way and had been this way her entire life. Haley had been the buffer and she took that job seriously. Now she was gone. Taking some deep breaths, Jessie grabbed her cell phone and found his number in the address book.

“Hey there.”

“You sound winded, are you alright?” Jessie asked.

“You missed it Jess…I just ran a marathon. The doctors are astounded,” Sam said. “They're gonna spring me from this joint. I'm cured.”

“Yeah? What’s the first thing you'll do once you're free?”

“I'm taking you to dinner, and then maybe dancing. Do you like to dance, Jessie?”

“Mmm, I’ll make an exception for you I think.” She said.

“You don’t sound right. What's the matter?”

“It’s just been a bad day. No, the day was surprisingly good. The past few minutes were unbearable.”

“I'm so sorry. Here I am joking around and you're not alright.”

“A little smile is just what I needed. I think I'm gonna hold you to that dinner, Sam Kassmeyer.”

“It’s yours.” He replied.

“Can I come by and see you?” Jessie asked.

“You never have to ask. I try to keep you sometimes but you insist on going.”

“I'm on my way.”

“I’ll see you in a little while.”

Jessie ended the phone call, a smile managing to break through her solemn mask. She started the car, left the parking lot, and headed to Fairfax. She wanted to leave whatever was troubling her in the rearview mirror. Jessie wasn’t sure it was possible but she would try her best.

***

“Jack must be so excited about Halloween.” Sam said.

“Are you kidding? He’s been bouncing around for a week. His friend Percy from school is having a Halloween party and we’re going. His mom thought it would be a safe way for all the little ones to enjoy the holiday. Percy also has a six year old brother so come tomorrow I’ll be surrounded by about 25 kids high on sugar. I've considered smuggling in a flask.”

“You're joking.”

“I'm not entirely sure if I am.”

They both laughed. It was a chilly, rainy Friday evening but Sam and Jessie sat on the open side porch of the rehab center. Sam didn’t care about the weather; he spent as much time outside as he could. It wasn’t the same as being free but it helped quiet the noise in his head. He had to shake the feeling of being trapped.

The shrink said it could be a significant hindrance to his recovery. If there was anything Sam wanted it was to recover and go home. The doctors were pleased with his progress thus far…he was ahead of the curve with his knees and foot. His hand was another story. No one was giving up hope but there had been some recent setbacks.

“I'm having a little surgery on Tuesday.” He said. Sam debated about whether he would even tell Jessie. Good or bad, he felt like he wanted to tell her everything.

“What's the matter?” she asked, moving closer to him on the glider they shared. “Should I be concerned? I guess all surgery is a concern.”

“The blood flow to my right ring finger isn’t as free as the doctors would like. They tried all the non-surgical procedures and now want to open up the finger. They’ll also do a little nerve stimulation while they're in there. It’s not responding as well as my middle finger to stimuli.”

“Could you lose it?” Jessie took his hand in hers. She loved the weight of it, the feel of his fingertips. He had rough hands, real man’s hands, and she shuddered to think about how they would feel touching her. How would they feel on her; in her? OK, she needed to get her mind back on the matter at hand. Sam suddenly being down to nine wouldn’t change anything she felt.

“It’s a possibility.” Sam replied. “Dr. Tomlinson is going to do everything he can to stop that from happening. He says a lack of movement and blood flow restriction is relatively normal for reattached limbs and digits. This is the road I'm walking down now.”

“You're not walking alone.”

“Sometimes I have to, Jess.”

“Then I’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”

“We still sticking together?” he asked, exhaling as he laced his fingers through hers. He loved her hands, so soft and delicate on his. He loved her fingers and her short fingernails that she never polished. Sam always quivered when she touched his face or his shoulders or his back. Her touch was unparalleled and he needed more. He wanted to touch her in return, wondered how she might feel about that.

“Absolutely.” Jessie nodded. “Do you still have faith in my faith?”

“I'm doing my best. You make me believe everything, Jessie.”

“Your best will always be good enough for me.”

“I'm breaking out of here early.” Sam said. He needed to say something so he wouldn’t say what was on the tip of his tongue. That would be really bad.

“Sam, do you really think that’s a good idea. You haven’t even been here for three weeks.”

“I didn’t say tomorrow, just early. If I continue to do well in my rehab then they’ll let me go in two weeks. I’d still come three days a week to outpatient rehab but the shrink thinks the psychological costs of confinement for someone like me would hinder my physical recovery. I really just want to go home.”

“Do you think you'll be alright at home by yourself??” Jessie asked.

“You haven’t seen my place yet…it’s a little bachelor pad. It has two bedrooms and narrow walkways. I probably couldn’t fall in there even if I wanted to.”

“Still…nevermind.”

“What, Jess?” Sam gently stroked her knuckles with his fingers.

“I don’t want to be worrisome.” She said. “You're a grown man and know how to handle yourself. I just can't shake off the thought of you falling while you're alone.”

“I can't say that it won't happen. I’ll call 911 if it does. I don’t think it will but I’ll always have my cell phone in my pocket. I promise.”

“OK.” Jessie nodded.

“That doesn’t make you feel any better, does it?”

She shook her head even though she felt as if she should be encouraging him. But if something happened to him, after all they'd been through…Jessie would probably crumble. Sam smiled pulling her into his embrace. He felt her exhale against him as she held on.

“This is good news.” She whispered.

“Absolutely.”

“I'm so happy that you're getting better.”

“Next up, the Marine Marathon.” Sam replied, laughing.

Jessie laughed too, looking up at him. His kiss was irresistible and she leaned into it. Sam’s hand caressed the back of her head while her arms wrapped tighter around him. It was their first kiss since Columbus Day weekend.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to kiss him. On the contrary, Jessie could hardly think of anything else. She probably spent more time talking herself out of kissing Sam Kassmeyer than anything else but Jack in the last almost three weeks. Tonight in his arms she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep resisting for much longer.

“Sam…” She pulled out of the kiss. Jessie closed her eyes as he gave her Eskimo kisses.

“You're gonna leave, aren’t you?”

“It is getting late.”

“Don’t go just yet; I want to hold you.”

She couldn’t fight the pull of him; didn’t want to anymore. Being in his arms was so amazing. Jessie hardly felt the sudden chill underneath the rain. Sam kissed the top of her head. It had been so long since she felt this way…maybe she never had.

It was like suddenly knowing what all her friends meant when they talked about being gaga over some guy. When they said they couldn’t put it into words, you would know when you felt it. Jessie thought she might be feeling it. How could he not be too?

“What are you thinking?” She asked.

“I'm just glad to be alive. I'm glad that you're in my arms tonight. I'm thinking about the way your curls feel between my fingers and the way the nape of your neck smells. I'm thinking about going home and making you dinner. My Aunt Nancy’s Salisbury steak will melt in your mouth, Jess.”

“I love Salisbury steak.”

This time she kissed him, and when Sam pulled away it was out of necessity. He couldn’t help how he felt about her. His body and mind were constantly in battle about Jessie. So what she kissed him a few times…that didn’t mean she was interested in him in that way. She had said that a kiss was a promise though, hadn’t she? He was desperate to ask what it was a promise of.

“A penny for you thoughts.” He said, kissing her nose.

“I'm not thinking about anything special.” She replied.

“OK.”

He knew she wasn’t being truthful but there was no need to push her. No matter what they were feeling for each other, both Sam and Jessie were going through a tough time. She was still mourning the loss of her sister and adjusting to being a toddler’s mother. He was recovering from wounds inflicted on him by an escaped serial killer hell bent on revenge from personal slights that only happened in his twisted mind. Their lives collided because of tragedy. While it was possible for something positive to come from that it was still difficult for every party involved.

“I need to go now.” Jessie said. “I have a sitter service with Jack but I need to get home to him.”

“You'll tell him that I said hello?” Sam asked.

“Of course I will.”

She stood up from the glider and then helped Sam up. He groaned a little, his recovering muscles stiff and weary from a combination of the weather and intensive therapy. Grabbing his braces for support, Sam started the slow walk back inside. Jessie walked behind him for support. He wondered if she would catch him if he stumbled. From everything he knew of her so far, Sam was pretty sure the answer was yes.

“This weather is kicking my ass.” He grumbled, finally collapsing in the massaging easy chair in his room. “Sorry about the language.”

“Don’t be silly…I use worse language than that. Tomorrow is Saturday, Sam. I want you to sleep in.”

“That sounds like a plan. Drive safely, and call me before you go to sleep.”

“You call me; I hate to think I'm waking you up.” Jessie replied.

“Deal. Text message me when you're home safe.” Sam pulled her to him and gave her a soft kiss. “Goodnight, Jessie.”

“Goodnight.”

She lingered for a moment, turned, and walked out. She was back in a few moments.

“What is it?” Sam asked.

“You're a wonderful guy. That’s what I was thinking earlier. I didn’t know if I was going to say so but you deserve to know how I feel. You're a wonderful guy, Sam Kassmeyer, and I adore you. Goodnight.”

This time she walked out a little faster. It was starting to overwhelm her. One brick at a time, falling on her shoulders until she was buried. Jessie was supposed to prioritize...Dr. Kallen told her that. It was difficult while trying to recover from having the rug pulled from under your entire life.

Her sister was dead, her family shattered, and her nephew traumatized. Aaron was moving on with another woman though Jessie couldn’t fault him for that. Her mother was drowning in quicksand and seemed to want to be. The worst thing was that Jessie was almost indifferent to pulling her out. She felt like if she offered a hand Marcia would pull her in and step on her shoulders to get free.

They were hardly communicating at the moment unless it was about Jack. She was still working hard at Live Cubed. She refused to let her dreams and hard work go down the drain because the rest of her life wanted to do that. Haley would never forgive her if she let go of all she worked for.

And on top of the pile of bricks was the strong possibility that Jessie was falling in love. The best news was probably the most confusing. It was time to go home and prioritize. All of this had to get out of her mind before it exploded. She was really close to falling apart.

***

“I did it.” Jessie said, sipping her chamomile tea.

“You did what?” Nina asked.

They were sitting in Jessie’s living room. Nina was knitting. Not that well, but she was knitting all the same. She had taken it up as a means of relaxation. She thought she would kill two birds with one stone and make a blanket for her baby.

The kid would probably be a toddler by the time it was done and Nina was barely six months pregnant. Still, she had to admit that knitting while listening to Schubert was the most relaxing thing she could do apart from yoga. She tried to encourage Jessie to get involved but her best friend claimed to be all thumbs. She assured Nina she would find something to help her relax. So far there had been no results.

“I went to a psychiatrist yesterday.”

“You did? Was it your first visit?”

“Yeah. It took a while but I finally found a doctor that I think I can talk to. I got the recommendation from Dr. Rachel Howard, Emily’s psychiatrist.”

“Emily?” Nina raised an eyebrow. “Since when would you ever take Emily’s advice? I mean we adore her but she's not the brightest crayon in the box, Jess.”

“Not Emily Belmont, Neens, Emily Prentiss.”

“Aaron’s girlfriend has a shrink?”

“Everybody has a shrink.” Jessie replied.

“I have two, so I guess you're right. And I didn’t mean to refer to her as Aaron’s girlfriend.”

“She is Aaron’s girlfriend. Since he's finally admitted to me that they’re serious I've been trying to get to know Emily better. Its not easy with how often they're out in the field.”

“I bet.” Nina sipped her Diet Coke and kept knitting. “What's your shrink’s name?”

“Dr. Stephen Chang; he’s here in Alexandria. I like him a lot. Yesterday was just like having a conversation. I didn’t feel interrogated or like I was supposed to expose all my feelings on the first visit. He didn’t ask any uncomfortable or obnoxious questions either. That doesn’t mean that he won't later but it felt like a first visit was supposed to feel. I may be going for a while; I want to be somewhere I can just be me.”

“You are allowed to tell me what you talked about right?”

“Of course I can. He’s the one who can't tell anyone what we talked about without my permission.”

“That’s doctor-patient privilege.” Nina said.

“Exactly.”

“All those years of drooling over Jack McCoy paid off. I told you.”

They both laughed and Jessie just shook her head.

“So, what did you two talk about?”

“We mostly talked about Haley. I talked about trying to remember her life instead of her death. I talked about trying to be a good mom and aunt to Jack. I never want him to forget his mother but he also has to know it’s OK to move on. We can't stop his life at four years old. I talked about everything that was on my mind like family, friends, my father…”

“Sam Kassmeyer.” Nina said, her fingers moving over the knitting needles and yarn.

“We didn’t get to that.” Jessie replied.

“What?” Nina looked at her with wide eyes.

“Oh c'mon, I'm 34 years old. There is much more insanity to my life than Sam Kassmeyer.”

“I know. I just…”

“You just what?”

“You're right, Jess. Do you know how much time we spend talking about him though? And the best part is you still manage to say little to nothing at all. You’ve only known him two and half months. He shouldn’t take up that much of our conversation.”

“Exactly.” Jessie felt a little vindication.

“Unless...”

“Oh God, I knew it.” She covered her eyes. “Unless what, Neens?”

Nina laughed and threw a ball of yarn at her.

“I love you, Jessie. You are my bestest friend in the whole world and have been for 15 years. You know all six of my dirty secrets. Just tell me, off the top of your head, no pretense, no bullshit; how do you feel about Sam Kassmeyer?”

“I have absolutely no idea. There are so many feelings jumbled inside of my heart, my head, and my gut. Sam and I are definitely friends, I know that. Recent events have surely crossed the friendship line into something else and I think we’re both OK with that. I just don’t know what that something else is.

“We haven’t been intimate yet but…oh Neens, I’m so physically attracted to this man. I can barely focus when we’re in a room together these days. Still, my carnal temptations have nothing to do with my emotional feelings. I just don’t know anything right now. If you add into that whole mix the circumstances of how we came to know each other being so complicated…” Jessie sighed. “That’s gonna be a lot more therapy sessions.”

“It could be two or three good conversations with Sam.” Nina replied. “Has he given you any indication of how he feels?”

“He has. I think he's as crazy about me as I am about him. He was a little more articulate about it when he did say something but he's not saying a lot. When we touch, even innocent touches, it’s so combustible. That cannot be faked. I think part of the reason he wants to get the hell out of the rehab hospital is so that we can actually spend some time alone. We don’t get much privacy there.”

“Can he get sexual? I mean, are there any problems in that department?”

“He was shot in the knees and the foot, Neens.” Jessie reasoned. “I think his member is fine.”

“I know that but it could be psychosomatic or something, remember like that guy on _Grey’s Anatomy_. I'm not a doctor; I'm just a concerned best friend and a TV fan.”

Jessie laughed, finishing her tea. A drink would be nice right about now…it had been that kind of week.

“I'm on a long journey.” She said. “I don't know everything that’s going to happen but I know there’s no way to turn back. Right after Sam woke up I told him that we needed to stick together and he said OK. He doesn’t have anyone and neither do I. Its not the most romantic reason but…”

“Stop that kind of talk.” Nina said. “This thing with Sam is not because you two can't find anyone else. I don't know about him but you’ve been beating guys away with a stick for as long as I've known you. Sure some of them weren't worth much but there were a few gems over the years.

“You just didn’t want them; you were holding out for something more. Don’t belittle what's in your heart and head now. Just keep walking on the path. I don't know Sam at all, hint hint that needs to change, but if he feels anything like you do this is so not _Fearless_.”

“ _Fearless_? Are you talking about the Jeff Bridges movie?”

“That’s exactly what I'm talking about. He thinks he falls in love with the woman who survives the plane crash with him. This isn’t that; it’s something more.”

“Well if you figure out what it is before I do, best friendship dictates that you have to tell me what the hell is going on.”

“You know I always got your back, Jess. Cross my heart.”

***

“Wow,” Emily said as Hotch helped her into her peacoat. “There were moments tonight that bordered on Prentiss family discomfort.”

“I am so, so sorry.” Jessie said.

“There's no need for you to apologize; you’ve been wonderful Jess. I knew it wasn’t going to be peaceful but I made it through unscathed.”

“Are you sure?” Sam asked. “I think I see a little singe mark near your temple.”

The two couples laughed. It was Thanksgiving evening and the family dinner was held at Marcia’s Alexandria home. Deep down everyone around the table knew this would probably be their last Thanksgiving like this. Soon new relationships and family obligations might spread them all over the country for Thanksgiving. At some points during this uncomfortable evening, Jessie wished they would’ve made that decision this year.

It started with Marcia’s smirk when Sam said he was thankful for his life and having Jessie in it and it only went downhill from there. She could barely hold in her hostility at the fact that Emily and Sam were even there…they weren't family. Jessie took her into the kitchen at one point and told her that Kirby wasn’t family but had been at every Thanksgiving since she was thirteen. He’d always been welcome with open arms. Marcia wasn’t moved. Not even the presence of her grandson lightened her nasty mood.

Emily and Sam were troopers though. They even paired together for mixed couples Trivial Pursuit and won by a single pie piece. It was a real nail biter of a question that came down to Sam knowing Otto von Bismarck. Jessie could hardly hide her enthusiasm that Sam knew history. She loved that he was learned and seeing it in action was impressive. He probably had, at one time, read all the books on the shelves in his apartment.

Kirby practically played the game alone as Marcia sat there with her arms crossed and a sour look on her face. When Hotch whispered to Jessie that her face might just stay that way, they both giggled. The sound of gaiety took Jessie back to another time. It was funny; her mother’s behavior was like that for as long as she could remember. When Marcia didn’t get her way everyone else had to suffer.

“We’ll stick together, Sam.” Emily said, giving him a big hug. “The harlot and the…”

“Hindrance.” He replied.

All four of them laughed again as Emily hugged and kissed Jessie as well. Then Jessie hugged Aaron and Jack, who was holding his father’s hand.

“What's a harlot, Aunt Jessie?” he asked.

“It’s a word that Jack can't say. OK?”

“OK.”

“High five, big guy.” Sam said, holding out his hand for Jack. The four year old jumped up to smack it.

“I’ll keep him all weekend, Jess.” Hotch said. “We’re looking forward to some quiet family time and I'm sure you and Sam could use a little time alone.”

“Call me if you need anything.” Jessie said.

“Will do.” Hotch kissed Jessie’s cheek once more and then he looked at Sam. “Words can hardly express how good it is to see you on both feet. It’s a miracle.”

“I agree.” Sam shook his outstretched hand. “I hope to see you again soon, Aaron. And I definitely hope to see you, Captain Jack.” He tousled Jack’s hair.

“Me and Aunt Jessie can make you dinner, Marshal Sam. Do you like Beefaroni?”

“Beefaroni is one of my favorite meals.”

Jack smiled and with one last goodbye, he was gone with his father and Emily. Jessie looked at Sam.

“You’ve been through enough today; we need to get you home.”

“I’ll be alright.”

“Yeah, but I bet you'll feel even better stretched out on your couch watching a movie.”

“You're probably right.” Sam grinned. “Just add your Oreo cookie pie to that scenario and its perfect.”

“I’ll get you a couple of slices.” Jessie smiled. “Will you be OK putting your coat on?”

“If you hear me falling and cursing after you walk away then the answer is no.”

“That’s not funny, Sam.” She tried to be stern.

“Yes it is.” Unable to help himself, Sam kissed her nose.

Jessie walked away and headed to the kitchen. She heard her mother bitching to Kirby as she approached. They were whispering so she couldn’t make out much of the dialogue. When she walked in, all conversation stopped. She decided not to bite the bait.

“I'm going to get Sam a few slices of pie and then we’re going.”

“Take the pie,” Marcia replied. “I'm leaving tomorrow anyway.”

“You remember we’re going to New Mexico, right Jess?”

“Yeah Kirby, I remember.”

She put foil over the pie and grabbed a plastic bag from the drawer. Then she gave Kirby by a hug and kiss.

“Have a safe flight and a wonderful trip.” She said. “Bye Mom.”

“How dare you bring him to my house?” Marcia asked before Jessie could make it out of the room.

“Marcia…”

“No Kirby, I'm done being nice.”

“You were being nice before?” Jessie asked, unable to help herself.

“Aaron brings that whore and you bring that murderer. What have you two become? How could you spit on your precious sister’s memory like that?”

“I would never…” Jessie stopped. Feeding into this was biting the bait. She couldn’t do it. Too much had already been said; feeding into it never ended well. She took a deep breath. “I'm sorry you feel that way, Mom. I won't bring Sam back here again.”

“You should've never brought him in the first place. I’ll never speak to you again the next time.”

“Marcia…” Kirby put his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t say that. Jess, she didn’t mean that; she's just upset.”

“It’s fine Kirby. It is what it is.” Jessie replied. “Goodnight.”

She went back into the living room. Her mother was whispering her rants but Jessie ignored her. Sam was sitting on the arm of the couch; he’d been standing too long. He was holding Jessie’s coat, which she quickly put on.

“We need to get the hell out of here.” She said.

“You got it.”

They made their way to Jessie’s SUV. She was stalking ahead of him but Sam took his time. He knew she would be upset if he didn’t. She waited, helping him into the passenger seat.

Sam climbed in, laying his braces across the console between them. When she was in the driver’s seat, Jessie just sat there. She didn’t even put the keys in the ignition. The silence was deafening but neither of them spoke for a long time.

“I’ll drive if you need me to.” Sam finally said.

“I'm OK.” Jessie replied.

“No, you're not. What did she say?”

“It’s not even worth getting into. She’s grieving and doesn’t know what to do with all of these feelings.”

“You're grieving too.” Sam took her hand. “Marcia doesn’t hold the patent on grieving or anything else.”

“She’s not worth it, Sam.” Jessie looked at him, tears brimming in her eyes. “This is what she does…this is what she always does.”

“Anyone who doesn’t love and appreciate you is an idiot. Are you sure you're OK to drive? The doc gave me the green light on short distances last week. So the road trip to Vegas is on hold indefinitely.”

Jessie smiled and Sam felt triumphant. The raw anger and sadness was still there, it was palpable, but her smile gave them both just a few seconds of victory.

“Thank you.” She said.

“Nope, you don’t have to do that.”

“OK, then I’ll just give you a thank you kiss.”

Sam wasn’t about to argue with that and just like every time her lips touched his, his whole body caught fire. When she moved away it was almost painful.

“Let’s get you home.” Jessie started the car and pulled out of the parking space.

“Yes ma'am.”

000

Sam didn’t like help walking up the steps. Jessie learned that the hard way…it actually led to their first fight. When he came home from the rehab center she tried to help him up the steps. The first time was fine, the second time he tolerated, but on the third time, he snapped.

 _“Dammit, Jessie, if I fall let me fall! I have to pick myself up; you won't always be here to help. I can do this.”_

 _“Alright.”_

 _Jessie backed off and let him take the steps from the parking lot to his apartment door on his own. At his front door Jessie took the keys and let them both into the apartment. She left her coat on the chair, heading into the kitchen to turn on the coffeemaker. Sam always needed a strong cup of coffee after rehab. He struggled a bit out of his coat but she didn’t move from her spot in the kitchen. Finally he got out of everything and made it over to the couch. Sam couldn’t help but groan as he plopped down. Sometimes even the littlest things took the most energy._

 _“I'm sorry, Jessie.” He said after a long silence. “No matter what happens, it’s not OK to snap at you. I'm not that kind of man.”_

 _“It’s alright.”_

 _“No, it’s not alright.”_

 _“Fine, it’s not alright, but it is understandable Sam.” She replied. “Having your back is important to me but that’s not the same as babying you. I know that standing on your own, and even falling, is essential to your recovery. Telling me to back off is OK.”_

 _“Snapping at you isn’t.” Sam said._

 _“Sam, I forgive you. I really, really do. Now tell me how you want your coffee.”_

Snow flurries fell as Jessie pulled into the parking spot near Sam’s apartment. He looked out the window.

“Its snowing.” He looked at Jess.

“Not really, it’s just showing off.”

“I love snow.”

“You better since you're from Denver. Do you ski?” Jessie asked.

“I can ski but it’s not one of my favorite activities. I love playing hockey, tubing, and snowball fights. I really miss snowball fights.”

Jessie laughed, getting out of the driver’s seat and going around to the other side. She opened the door but didn’t help; Sam would do it on his own. They took their time but that never bothered her. She carried the pie and followed him up the steps. Sam opened the door, allowing Jessie in first.

“You shouldn’t walk behind me.” He said. “It’s not safe; I need to keep an eye on you.”

“That’s sweet.”

“I mean it Jess. That’s just the way I am. I'm not going to ask this a lot but with this I need you to indulge me in my caveman ways. Can you do that?” Sam asked, cringing as he waited for a response. She was an independent woman…this was asking a lot.

“Mmm, OK.”

She smiled as he helped her out of her peacoat. Then she headed for the kitchen to put the pie in his refrigerator.

“Shall I put some coffee on?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Sam put their coats in the closet. “Then I need you to do something for me.”

“What?” Jessie grabbed filters from the cabinet.

“Tell me what your mother said. Clearly she really upset you.”

“No.”

“No?”

She sighed, joining him on the couch. Sam’s place was non-descript. It was clear that he hadn't spent much time there before his injury. But one thing he did have was one of the most comfortable couches known to man. Nina told Jessie once that all a man needed was a couch, TV, toilet, and coffeemaker to survive. Sam didn’t even need a TV.

“Making this night about her just lets her win, Sam. When a family member dies everyone has different reactions and feelings. We tend to forgive outbursts and certain undesirable behavior because our lives have been turned upside down. The thing is, my mother acted this way before Haley died. We've never seen eye to eye on anything I don’t think.”

“I don’t want to be the cause of any animosity.” Sam replied.

“It would be easier if that was all this was about. Please don’t blame yourself…don’t let her win.”

“I just don’t want you to lose. I care about you too much to let that happen.”

“How can I lose with you in my life?” Jessie asked.

“I'm not that great.” Sam shook his head.

“You let me be the judge of that. I happen to think you're swell.”

“Yeah?” Sam pulled her close. He grinned when Jessie straddled his lap. That was surely the boldest move she ever made. He still wasn’t sure about Jessie. He wanted to be but just wasn’t. Was she shy, apprehensive, inexperienced, or what? Straddling him added another layer of questions on top of the ones he already had.

“I really need you to do something for me, Sam.” She said, her lips teasing his.

“What's that?” He gripped her hips.

“Make love to me…now.”

“Here on the couch?” Sam attempted to sound nonchalant when really his mind had just been blown.

“I’d prefer the bedroom.” Jessie kissed him wholly, passionately, and then climbed onto the floor. “If you want.”

It took him a minute to grab his braces and get to his feet. The excitement was written all over her face.

“Don’t rush, Sam. I want you to take it nice and slow.”

“You're gonna kill me with the double entendres, Jess.”

She just smiled, turned and walked down the hall. Jessie lifted her red cable knit sweater over her head, dropping it in a corner. She didn’t need to turn around; there was no doubt he was behind her.

000

Sam’s moans were long and low when they were finally naked together. Jessie’s skin felt so good on his; the way she touched him made Sam crazy. He loved that she didn’t give a damn about covers. She wanted to be naked, and she wanted to be naked with him.

She wanted to kiss, nibble, caress, and stroke every inch of him. Sam couldn’t find anything to complain about on that front. Jessie was quite attentive; she seemed to enjoy giving him love. Every time he went to return the favor, she would gently take his hands and tell him that his time would come.

“Relax,” She kissed him. “I want to take my time.”

Sam tried to be patient but his body eventually took over his mind. He took Jessie’s wrists in one hand, careful not to hurt her.

“I need you now Jess, I can't wait anymore.”

With a smile that could light the darkest tunnel, she lay back on the mattress. When she reached for him, Sam draped his body over hers. Their kisses were so deep and longing; when Jessie moaned into his mouth his whole body quivered. He eventually tore himself from her mouth. His lips trailed kisses across her chin, down her neck, throat, and across her collarbone.

“I've wanted you for so long.” Sam murmured against her skin.

“I hope I'm worth the wait.” She replied.

“Are you kidding me?” he stopped to look in her eyes. Sam smiled when she caressed his face. “I've been waiting a lifetime for you, Jessie. You're worth waiting another.”

Sam pulled his favorite old quilt over them as he settled his body between her open thighs. He fit so perfectly with her that he had to pause to control the dizzying high it created.

“Are you alright, Sam?”

“Tell me how it makes you feel. I need to know how being with me makes you feel.”

“It feels so good, I knew it would. I've wanted this moment too…wanted to be with you.”

“So the fact that I'm nervous,” Sam kissed her. “That’s OK.”

“Of course it’s OK. I'm not though; it'll be perfect because it’s you and me.”

“You're beautiful, Jessie.” He said, caressing her face. “You're so loving and amazing. I shouldn’t be so lucky, to live through what I've lived through and to have you.”

“Sam?”

“Yes?”

“Stop talking and make love to me.”

“Right.” His grin was sheepish. “Should we…I have condoms.”

“Yes.” Jessie nodded.

Sam reached into the nightstand drawer and grabbed one of the Trojans. He bought them a couple of days after he came home, not sure if it was wishful thinking or a chance in hell. He was surprised when Jessie took it out of his hand, tore it open, and slipped her hands under the covers. No woman had ever done that before.

The way she teased him only made him more eager for what was about to be. When Sam sank into her, they both exhaled. Then he started to move. Jessie wrapped her arms around him, and her legs, as her body responded to his long, slow strokes.

“Ohhh Sam, ohhh…”

Sam kissed her, his kisses just as intoxicating as his lovemaking. He was no slouch between the sheets and planned to give Jessie 150%, even if he barely had it. He didn’t expect it to be like this tonight, though he would never complain about his good fortunes.

“Jess, Jess, oh God you feel so good. Ohhh baby, damn baby, oh yeah.”

“I'm your baby?” Jessie cupped his face as he drove deeper into her.

“Yes, oh yes, damn straight you are. Yes Jessie.”

“You're not asking me to excuse your language now.”

He grinned, kissing her again as the feelings took over completely. She felt so good underneath him. Jessie took him in, she took him deep, and when her short nails dug into his hips, Sam knew he was doing something right.

“Oh Sam,” she whimpered. “Don’t stop, don’t stop, oh God!”

In February, Jessie slept with an acquaintance named Peter. Before that it had probably been a year since sex. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy sex…OK, Jessie didn’t really enjoy sex. She enjoyed the idea of sex and every time it happened there was anticipation for fun and excitement and all that jazz. It never really came to be.

Jessie even found herself making up stories with her friends. They all seemed to be enjoying themselves, whether it was casual sex or in deep relationships. After a while she just assumed it was her. Maybe it was a chemical imbalance; a missing gene or something. Sex wasn’t painful, it wasn’t uneventful (she could climax with some hard work); it was just boring.

Jessie knew it was not supposed to be boring. In her late teens and early twenties, she tried it a lot to be sure. There was little success. Around 28, she got pickier but wasn’t rewarded for her efforts. One came close, his name was Ethan, but the circumstances made Jessie so guilty that it wasn’t worth it being her least boring experience.

“You're so beautiful,” Sam whispered in her ear as his fingers teased her clit. “You're the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Mmm,” Jessie gripped the sheets so tightly she thought her fingers might rip a hole in them. “There are a lot of girls in the world.”

“Yep, but you are the most beautiful.” He looked into her eyes. “Come for me…I've been dreaming about satisfying you. It means everything.”

“Oh Sam.” She felt herself falling and knew he was there with her. Jessie didn’t know how she knew, as she’d never felt that before. It was synchronicity and it was euphoric. Was this what she’d been missing all along or was something even better to come?

Sam increased the pace of his thrusts as the feelings built from the pit of his stomach. It had never been like this before. It had never been so right. He’d wanted this moment for so long. He thought, dreamed, yearned…and was sure it would never happen.

Sam had never been lucky in love, though that was his own fault. At 22, he started training for the U.S. Marshals and never looked back. There was no family, no children; he thought he missed out on all of that. In this exact moment he knew that it wasn’t too late. He was actually right where he needed to be.

“Jess, ohhh Jessie, I love you. I love you so much.”

Sam felt Jessie falling and she pulled him under the waves with her. They both held on; breathless, sated…joined in the most meaningful way possible.

“I love you.” Sam whispered again when the room finally stopped spinning. He’d been dizzy a few times in his life but it had never been so awesome.

“I love you too, Sam.” Jessie kissed him before he moved onto the mattress. As he breathed again, she put her hand over his heart.

Sam cleaned himself up and pulled her into his arms. It was difficult to think that he might have to let go soon.

“Don’t go.”

“I'm not going anywhere.” Jessie replied. “And I'm not just saying that because I'm sure I can't walk right now.”

Sam laughed some, kissing her forehead. He exhaled as her body relaxed on his. Satisfaction and apprehension ran up each side of him, colliding in his belly as he thought about everything that brought these two people to this point.

“Jessie?”

“Hmm?” she rubbed his belly.

“Can you love me? Can you really love me after everything that’s happened?”

“I do love you.”

“Even though I let Haley down?” Sam asked.

“You didn’t do that Sam.”

Sighing, Jessie reached over and turned on the lamp. They both squinted in the light. She pulled the quilt tighter around her, rested on her elbow, and looked at him. Sam lay on his back, the covers down low on his waist. Staring at his body, even for a few moments, made her want him more. But that could wait…they had to have this talk. This might be the most important conversation they ever had.

“When I was a little girl and I would get down about something, my father used to tell me that everything happened for a reason. He said the good, bad, and everything in between was important to the fabric of who we were and who we’d become. He also told me that from every devastating event we were sure we’d never recover from, something good was at the end of the journey. I'm pretty lucky; I didn’t have to wait until the end to find you.”

“Is that really how you feel?” Sam asked.

“Yes. I think you should know by now that I don’t like holding back my thoughts and feelings. Being open means being free…if I feel it, I’ll say it.”

“But I…”

“You what, Sam?”

“I tried my best to protect her.” he said. “I did everything I could.”

“I know that.” Jessie moved into his arms and caressed his face. “Listen to me, OK?”

Sam nodded, holding her close. He needed her warmth and positive energy. In just a few months he wondered how he ever lived without it.

“When George Foyet attacked you and nearly killed you, Haley was still safe. He found her and he killed her. Even if by some miracle she would’ve survived the attack, your injuries came before hers. I still would’ve visited you…you were still all alone in a coma. I came to see you because of what happened to you, not what happened to Haley. Do you understand?”

“I think so. What happened to me happened first? So you still would’ve come no matter what happened after.”

“Absolutely. I admit to needing to feel like I was doing something helpful because I felt so helpless. But never, ever think my feelings for you are out of some misguided sympathy.”

“Ditto. What I feel for you Jess, this passion; I didn’t even know it was possible.” He kissed her. “I'm an old guy, I've been around, but I've never felt this before.”

“How old are you?” Jessie asked, running her fingers through his hair. There were still things to learn about each other. This was the first time she realized Sam’s age was one of them.

“I’ll be 46 on December 12th. I usually go home to visit my mom and aunt for my birthday but I'm going to wait until after the New Year. I want to be lighter on my feet and I want you to come with me.”

“I’ll be there. Do you realize there is over a decade between us? I just turned 34 in April.”

“Uh uh.” Sam nibbled on her neck. “There is nothing between us, Jessica Brooks, and that’s the way I like it.”

“I like that too.” She laughed.

“Well, while there is all this liking going on I may as well tell you something you probably won't like…”

“When are you going back?”

Sam smiled, stroking her face when he kissed her. Reading his mind was reason number 48751230 that he was crazy about this woman.

“Right now it’s looking like March 1st. I'm too young to retire Jessie; I have a lot of fight left in me. I worried this might upset you but I love what I do for a living. I always have and I always will.”

“You're going to pass a field exam by March?” Jessie asked.

“I wish, but that’s not meant to be. I got a glorified promotion to Supervisory Deputy and I'm going to be heading up the Witness Security Division. Craig Sadler is retiring and I've been working under his tutelage for about a decade. It’s a desk job but I'm optimistic about the future.”

“I'm optimistic about your optimism.”

“Are you really?” Sam asked.

“Sam, your happiness is important to me. My father was a man like you; my brother-in-law is a man like you. I love you, but at the same time I don’t want to constantly worry about your safety. I would if I had to but I'm not opposed to a desk job. I know that you love what you do.”

“I’ll be home every night for supper, Ma.”

“Somehow I doubt that.” Jessie laughed, snuggling close to him. She kissed his chest and Sam moved onto his back and held her on top of him. Conversation time was over; that suited Jessie just fine. She wanted him as many times as he could handle…she wanted to pass out from elation and exhaustion. She was already halfway there.

***

“Whatcha doin, Aunt Jessie?”

“Hmm?” she looked away from her laptop and at Jack. He stopped putting together his puzzle.

“Whatcha doin?”

“I'm looking for a house.” She said.

“This is our house.” He replied.

“But you're growing up Jack Jack, and you need the space to do that. I thought we’d get a backyard, a den; space for you to go from a little boy to a big boy.”

“Like my old house with Mommy and Daddy?” Jack asked.

“Yes.”

“Why can't we just live in my old house, Aunt Jessie?”

“A new family lives there now, sweetheart.” She hated lying to Jack but the house was on the market. The fact that someone was murdered there didn’t make it an easy sell but there were some interested parties. “So I thought a new one would be nice.”

“And we can live there with Daddy, Agent Emily, and Uncle Sam!” Jack exclaimed, climbing up on the couch with her.

“I'm sure Daddy and Agent Emily will get their own house if they think it’s a good idea.” Jessie said. “And I think you mean Marshal Sam, Jack.”

“Uh uh,” he shook his head. “I mean Uncle Sam. He’s going to live with us, right? I want him to.”

“Sweetheart, I know you like Sam a lot; I do too. He's not your Uncle though.”

“He’s gonna be.” Jack’s tone was matter of fact. “Percy said when someone marries your aunt that makes him your uncle. Is that true?”

“Yes.” Jessie nodded. “But Sam and I aren’t married.”

“You will be, right? You'll say yes when he asks you, right? He bought a real big diamond.” Jack held his arms far apart to indicate the size.

“What are you talking about, Jack?”

“Uncle Sam bought a diamond for Christmas. So, he's Uncle Sam now not Marshal Sam, right Aunt Jessie?”

Christmas was in nearly three weeks. Had he really done that and how did Jack know? The three of them had spent time together recently. Did Sam tell him them? No, Jack had to be misinterpreting something. Right? Jessie’s heart was beating so fast and she didn’t even know what was happening.

“Sweetie, lets just stick with Marshal Sam for now, OK?”

“OK.” Jack seemed a little disappointed. “I want you to get married though. I want us to be a family. Don’t you want to get married, Aunt Jessie?”

“Someday I do. We’ll talk about it a little more later; I think we should talk about dinner now. How do chicken nuggets sound?”

“Good.” Jack forgot about everything else when food was mentioned. For that his aunt was grateful.

“So I’ll make some chicken nuggets, tater tots, and corn.” She replied.

“I want lima beans!”

“You're the only kid I know who voluntarily eats lima beans, Jack Jack.” Jessie rustled his hair. “Lima beans it is.”

“OK.”

“You finish working on your puzzle and I’ll start dinner.”

“Is Daddy gonna call soon?” Jack asked.

Jessie looked at the wall clock. It was almost six thirty and it seemed that no matter where Hotch was in the country, he did his best to call home around this time.

“I hope so, buddy. Cross your fingers that he doesn’t get too busy.”

“Can I just think about crossing my fingers, Aunt Jessie? I wanna finish my puzzle.”

“Sure thing.”

Jessie bookmarked the real estate website she was looking at before putting the computer to sleep. In the kitchen, she grabbed the chicken nuggets and tater tots from the freezer. Once they were on a cookie sheet and in the oven, Jessie got a can of lima beans from the cabinet. Her cell phone sang on her hip, Belinda Carlisle’s _I Get Weak_. She smiled and answered it.

“Hey you.”

“What are you up to?” Sam asked.

“I'm making Jack’s dinner. We were having a wonderful conversation about Christmas.”

“What are your plans for the holiday?”

“I'm not entirely sure yet. I think we’re going to Emily’s parents’ house. They were lovely enough to invite me and Aaron’s parents are coming from Richmond so…the blended family thing.”

“What about your mother?”

“Can we not talk about that?” Jessie asked

“We’ll have to eventually.” Sam replied. “No matter what's been said and done, you cannot leave your mother alone on Christmas, baby.”

Jessie could only smile when he called her that. They settled quite comfortably into being lovers. They were happy and the people around them were happy for them. Marcia Brooks wasn’t one of those people…Jessie and her mother were barely speaking to each other.

“The doctor said driving short distances was OK, right?” Jessie asked, changing the subject.

“Yeah. I've been taking myself back and forth to the rehab. My place to your place shouldn’t be a problem.”

“I want to see you.”

“The feeling is always mutual.” Sam said.

“Well I'm going to give Jack dinner. Then hopefully his Dad will call and we’ll watch some cartoons until bedtime. Can you be here at seven thirty?”

“Yes.”

“We’ll talk more then.” She said.

“Are we going to be talking about anything in particular?” Sam asked.

“Nope.” Jessie shook her head.

“Alright, well I’ll see you in an hour. I love you, Jessie.”

“I love you too, Uncle Sam.”

“What?”

“We’ll talk about it when you get here.”

“OK, bye.”

“Drive safely. Bye.”

Jessie smiled as she put her phone back on her hip. She couldn’t help but love the idea of Uncle Sam. It made her giddy; he made her giddy. The egg timer and the telephone ringing brought her back to reality.

“I’ll get it!” Jack exclaimed, running for the telephone. “Hello? Hi Daddy!”

Reality needed Jessie for a little while. Despite all they had been through and were still going through, it wasn’t as bad as it could be. Jessie’s top priority was taking care of Jack. They were both getting acclimated to their new life and holding on tight to each other. Work was going well, Jessie managed to spend some time with her friends, and she hoped to eventually make peace with her mother.

Jessie Brooks was also in love. Unfortunately it couldn’t be the thing she focused on the most but Sam wasn’t going anywhere. He was where he wanted to be and so was she. Who ever thought she could find joy just months after her sister was brutally murdered by a serial killer? To be sure, Jessie still thought about Haley everyday.

She missed her sister and the life of oblivious happiness they had before George Foyet blew it to hell with a gun. But life moved forward. There were moments of crippling sadness followed by immense joy. There were milestones, special moments, and ice cream in between.

And there was Sam Kassmeyer. He was her light at the end of the tunnel; the light inside the tunnel. They were going to get through this together, all of them. Ever after was possible after improbable tragedy. Jessie Brooks, and those she loved, were living proof of it.

,center>***


End file.
